I was going to start the X-Files episode recaps Saturday night but, unfortunately, didn't get a chance to. So I will be starting them tomorrow instead. I'd like to do them Monday, Wednesday and Saturday but I'll just have to see how it goes. If that is too much I will at least aim for Mondays and Fridays.
I'm also reading Dracula by Bram Stoker and doing some tweets of my thoughts. I have read it before (a lot) but it has been a while so most of my thoughts will be fresh coming to it. If you'd like to follow along my Twitter account name is : https://twitter.com/GraceKimball5 (PickingOnStuff@GraceKimball5 if the link doesn't work).
Anyways, on with The Locker!
Last Week:
Marlee made a friend and got assigned a locker that blew death-breath in her face when she opened it. She also heard screams and felt like she was being strangled to death. I've never understood that expression. For instance, I've never heard of anyone being strangled to life. But I digress.
Chapter Three:
Marlee come back slowly from The Dead Zone, understandably a little freaked. She almost faints and realizes that it isn't her new friend Noreen holding her up but Hunky Tyler. For some reason, in the midst of her freaking out she notices a mole behind Noreen's ear, Noreen's shoelace, Tyler's possibly formerly broken pinky and a faded scar on his wrist (more proof that Tyler's emo). None of which really means anything but Marlee being about to faint. They talk a bit about her going to the school nurse even though Marlee insists she's ok, even though she really, really feels like crying. Funnily enough, Tyler actually believes her and they go outside to get some fresh air.
We get a little hint that something like this has happened before to Marlee. The vision, I mean. Noreen starts babbling to try to make Marlee feel better. Marlee appreciates it and attributes her nausea to the smell coming from her locker. Tyler and Noreen exchange Meaningful! looks. Marlee tries to laugh it off but they're still staring at her. Which has got to be a little awkward.
Anywho, Noreen says she didn't smell anything and Marlee insists that there's no way she could have missed it. So they all go back into the school to check it out. Tyler takes a sniff and makes a hilarious joke about "the gym socks that wouldn't die!"
Noreen scolds him for it and then they all take turns sniffing The Locker. Which has got to look a little weird. And apparently no one notices these kids aren't in class yet.
Anywhat, they talk a little bit more about the smell and Tyler theorizes that maybe the smell came from the nearby Biology lab. Noreen tells a fascinating story about a friend of hers that walked by the lab and fainted on a goldfish bowl and got cut. Tyler makes a lovely (sarcasm) joke about the poor fish that got squashed because she was a 'heavy' girl. Nice, Tyler.
To drop the subject Marlee agrees that the smell could have come from the lab even though she knows it didn't. Noreen frets a bit about gas leaks and Tyler makes a joke about anything being possible. Like him turning into a werewolf and running around naked looking for a vet. Don't get excited. No werewolves. Noreen makes a joke about Tyler's naked-ity giving her nightmares. After he leaves, however, she says he looks pretty damn good. Well, then.
Anywhere, Marlee suggests they get to class and Noreen talks up Tyler some more and tells that she knows he looks good because she caught him skinny-dipping with a bunch of guys at the cabin. Huh. Marlee's not really listening, however, because she can't stop staring at The Locker. But, she does thank Noreen for not laughing at her and thinking she's a freak.
Marlee thinks that maybe the last person to use the locker left something nasty in it and Noreen is oddly specific on when that particular locker was last used. Marlee wants to know what the deal is. Noreen doesn't really want to say but it turns out that The Locker had last been used by a girl named Suellen Downing who disappeared the previous fall. No one has used it since then. Dun dun dunnn!
End of Chapter
Good cliffhanger and we'll find out more next week. What could Marlee be talking about, I wonder?
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Dead Dancing Women Chapter 6 Recap
Hello! Last time Emily and Deputy Dolly made a pact to investigate the case together and Emily was even more insulting. Go figure.
Ok, I say Emily is insulting a lot. Which she is. But I'm also using Emily's name as a stand-in for her creator, Elizabeth Kane Buzzelli. Because a lot of Emily's thoughts and attitudes are shaped by her creator, obviously, so I'm guessing that most of Emily's opinions on the natives come from her. All right, all right, enough of my griping. On with the recap!
Emily has arrived at Harry's and gives us a very detailed description of it. And also describes his vehicle, which sounds a bit mongrel so I'm picturing this:
Emily and DD talk a bit about the old logging roads and the roads that have been put in by oil companies. DD thinks that everyone who has the mineral rights ends up like Jed Clampett or something. Which is stupid. And I do know this for a fact. Because mostly what they do is drill, cap it and leave it. If you're lucky you might get a check every month. And this is personal experience. Now, maybe there's other factors at play but that is the general idea. I have yet to hear of anyone striking it insta-rich. And I'm only going into so much detail about it here because *SPOILER* it's an important plot point later. One that I found highly implausible.
Anywho, back to Emily and DD. Emily thinks about Weird Harry a bit. He apparently wears a funeral suit (in case he dies while working, of course), is razor-thin, never looks people in the face when talking to them and wanders away to pick up stones and leaves. So. Me on a good day. He is apparently near ninety because he worked for the logging camps in the '20s. I only go into so much detail with her because Harry is a recurring character. How recurring I don't know. I've only read the first and second book in this series. Emily pissed me off so much in the second book that I gave up. For you, dear readers, I'll see what I can do.
Anywhat, they wonder if he's home and turns out he is. Emily takes a moment to ponder the thought that while Harry wears the suit all day, every day, year-round, it never smells. He only smells like wood smoke. Gee, Emily, maybe he washes it. You know, like people do with their clothes. Amazingly E.K.B. manages to avoid the "dirty shack guy" stereotype and Emily notes that Harry's house is clean but cluttered.
Harry is really quiet and Emily figures out that he's scared but she doesn't know of what. Maybe it's having the police in his house or maybe it's just women in general is her assumption. She goes off on a tangent about a professor her ex-husband was friends with at U of M who (ironically) was very handsome and taught poetry a "class filled to overflowing with dewy-eyed sprites clutching their spit-worn Emily Dickinsons to fluttering bosoms."
And if you have any guesses as to wtf she means by spit-worn let me know 'cause I've got no fucking clue. I'm picturing a spit-covered book and it's kind of gross.
Then she says that she herself is a kind of spit-worn Emily Dickinson. Since she was named for her Emily has decided that she's just like Emily Dickinson. Except she's not. At all. But Emily "decided early in life that there was something tragic about me, too" She just can't figure out what.
Anywhere, now that we're off that tangent. What follows is some painfully slow back and forth about whether or not Harry knows 'Miz' Poet or not. Remember her? The head?
DD insists he knows her, he insists he doesn't for two pages. Then they switch gears to how the head ended up in the garbage can and he again insists that he wasn't anywhere near the road that day.
He gives them some possum stew and they warn him that people are going to be searching the woods for the rest of 'Miz' Poet the next day.
Once away from Harry's house DD tells Emily that Harry was lying. Emily thinks she means about knowing 'Miz' Poet after all and figures DD's right because everyone knows everyone but that's not what DD means. She meant about being out to the road. Remember that possum roadkill waaay back in Chapter One? Well, he's now happily resting in the stew Harry gave her.
Emily tries to say "Nu-uh! No Way!" But DD insists "Yes, way!" and points out the missing possum from the road. Emily says that maybe the crows got it and DD points out that if Harry hadn't been out to the road then how would he know how many crows there were. Which I don't get because crows are everywhere here. Any given day you can say there's a lot of crows and have a chance at being right.
Emily's not too keen on eating the soup now that DD has pointed out that it's Roadkill Special. And said roadkill was resting not too far from a disembodied head at one point.
Mmmmmm
End of Chapter
A fairly short chapter today. Looks like next chapter they go visit some of 'Miz' Poet's friends. Should be a blast.
Hope everyone had a good and safe holiday!
This Saturday I'm going to be starting episode recaps of X-Files. I've been thinking about it for a while and I figured now would be a great time to do it since the show is going to be on again (YAY!). So, pop back here on Saturday to follow me and my adventures with 'The Enigmatic Dr. Scully' and Stone-Face Mulder.
Ok, I say Emily is insulting a lot. Which she is. But I'm also using Emily's name as a stand-in for her creator, Elizabeth Kane Buzzelli. Because a lot of Emily's thoughts and attitudes are shaped by her creator, obviously, so I'm guessing that most of Emily's opinions on the natives come from her. All right, all right, enough of my griping. On with the recap!
Emily has arrived at Harry's and gives us a very detailed description of it. And also describes his vehicle, which sounds a bit mongrel so I'm picturing this:
B-Eating-U
Emily and DD talk a bit about the old logging roads and the roads that have been put in by oil companies. DD thinks that everyone who has the mineral rights ends up like Jed Clampett or something. Which is stupid. And I do know this for a fact. Because mostly what they do is drill, cap it and leave it. If you're lucky you might get a check every month. And this is personal experience. Now, maybe there's other factors at play but that is the general idea. I have yet to hear of anyone striking it insta-rich. And I'm only going into so much detail about it here because *SPOILER* it's an important plot point later. One that I found highly implausible.
Anywho, back to Emily and DD. Emily thinks about Weird Harry a bit. He apparently wears a funeral suit (in case he dies while working, of course), is razor-thin, never looks people in the face when talking to them and wanders away to pick up stones and leaves. So. Me on a good day. He is apparently near ninety because he worked for the logging camps in the '20s. I only go into so much detail with her because Harry is a recurring character. How recurring I don't know. I've only read the first and second book in this series. Emily pissed me off so much in the second book that I gave up. For you, dear readers, I'll see what I can do.
Anywhat, they wonder if he's home and turns out he is. Emily takes a moment to ponder the thought that while Harry wears the suit all day, every day, year-round, it never smells. He only smells like wood smoke. Gee, Emily, maybe he washes it. You know, like people do with their clothes. Amazingly E.K.B. manages to avoid the "dirty shack guy" stereotype and Emily notes that Harry's house is clean but cluttered.
Harry is really quiet and Emily figures out that he's scared but she doesn't know of what. Maybe it's having the police in his house or maybe it's just women in general is her assumption. She goes off on a tangent about a professor her ex-husband was friends with at U of M who (ironically) was very handsome and taught poetry a "class filled to overflowing with dewy-eyed sprites clutching their spit-worn Emily Dickinsons to fluttering bosoms."
And if you have any guesses as to wtf she means by spit-worn let me know 'cause I've got no fucking clue. I'm picturing a spit-covered book and it's kind of gross.
Then she says that she herself is a kind of spit-worn Emily Dickinson. Since she was named for her Emily has decided that she's just like Emily Dickinson. Except she's not. At all. But Emily "decided early in life that there was something tragic about me, too" She just can't figure out what.
Anywhere, now that we're off that tangent. What follows is some painfully slow back and forth about whether or not Harry knows 'Miz' Poet or not. Remember her? The head?
DD insists he knows her, he insists he doesn't for two pages. Then they switch gears to how the head ended up in the garbage can and he again insists that he wasn't anywhere near the road that day.
He gives them some possum stew and they warn him that people are going to be searching the woods for the rest of 'Miz' Poet the next day.
Once away from Harry's house DD tells Emily that Harry was lying. Emily thinks she means about knowing 'Miz' Poet after all and figures DD's right because everyone knows everyone but that's not what DD means. She meant about being out to the road. Remember that possum roadkill waaay back in Chapter One? Well, he's now happily resting in the stew Harry gave her.
Emily tries to say "Nu-uh! No Way!" But DD insists "Yes, way!" and points out the missing possum from the road. Emily says that maybe the crows got it and DD points out that if Harry hadn't been out to the road then how would he know how many crows there were. Which I don't get because crows are everywhere here. Any given day you can say there's a lot of crows and have a chance at being right.
Emily's not too keen on eating the soup now that DD has pointed out that it's Roadkill Special. And said roadkill was resting not too far from a disembodied head at one point.
End of Chapter
A fairly short chapter today. Looks like next chapter they go visit some of 'Miz' Poet's friends. Should be a blast.
Hope everyone had a good and safe holiday!
This Saturday I'm going to be starting episode recaps of X-Files. I've been thinking about it for a while and I figured now would be a great time to do it since the show is going to be on again (YAY!). So, pop back here on Saturday to follow me and my adventures with 'The Enigmatic Dr. Scully' and Stone-Face Mulder.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Dead Dancing Women: Chapter 5 Recap
Last time: Emily went to Leetsville, gave her statement and headed off to Fuller's EATS for the gossip. And she found time to be insulting. I'll bet she can do it again...she's talented that way.
Chapter Five:
Emily goes to EATS and stops to check out the owner's latest genealogy find. If you may remember from the previous chapter Eugenia likes to trace her roots and most of them have been criminals. The latest is a John Holliday. Emily is keeping a tally on how many relatives have been hung and how many had been to jail. 41-9 in case you were wondering. She doesn't say which this one this is, probably because John Holliday died in a tuberculosis sanitarium. Oh, I mean, gee, who could he be?
Anywho, Emily comments that the diner is low, dark and smoky. Which is kind of weird because they passed the No Smoking law before then but ok.
Eugenia and Emily gossip a bit about 'Miz' Poet. Guess Eugenia's not from downstate. Eugenia suggests that Emily interview a woman named Joslyn, who was a close friend of 'Miz' Poet. Apparently they were "closer than jelly donuts". Why jelly donuts would be closer than other pastry is beyond me but anything to make her sound more provincial, I guess.
Emily decides to escape before Eugenia starts talking about the family tree and is waited on by Gloria. The cleavage-baring Gloria because obviously. She's also engaged to the mailman who has a theory that the downstaters are killing them off to buy the land. Well...
Emily doesn't want lunch so she decides to kill some time with a cup of coffee before calling her boss with the nothing she got from the state police. Big spender.
She doesn't want to become the murderer in gossip because Leetsville likes quick, simple answers. Gloria brings her coffee and hovers for a bit before getting to the point. Apparently her preacher has been speaking out about "people worshipping the devil and bringing evil into our midst."
Really?!
Emily, of course, is startled at the mention of devil worship but then she reflects that "you never knew what folks up here might fixate on." Up here being the operative words.
Anyways, Gloria tells Emily the local gossip about 'Miz' Poet and her friends gathering in the woods to be near nature and dance and feel young. Yup, shore sounds like the devil's work to me. I'm really curious now to see just how 'Deliverance' she can make us sound. I'm really surprised that she hasn't mentioned someone marrying their cousin or sister or something.
Gloria says that Pastor Runcival was mad about it and insinuating that witches were afoot in the town. Oh, for fuck's sake.
Emily, being an educated woman from Ann Arbor, thinks that's crazy. Gloria chides her because Reverends always know best and there could be some crazy people in the woods back there. Like Emily. But, Emily is new. So she's safe from the witch-burning I guess.
Anywhat, Deputy Dolly enters and makes a beeline for Emily. I'm going to start calling her DD for brevity's sake. DD sits with Emily, having the uncouth Up North manners to set her hat on the table. Emily takes a little time out to mention that DD has "bad, dirty-blond, hat hair." I'm thinking Emily's more than a little judgey.
Anywhere, DD proposes that she and Emily investigate the case together because...reasons? This makes absolutely no sense to me. Oh, Emily's got reporting skills and...educated. FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
Sorry, just got a little ragey there. Nope, no one up here has any of that there eddication. Grrr.
DD's only condition is that Emily never put her in a book. Yeah, we'll see how well that works out. Emily decides that teaming up with DD is going to be the only way to get any info for her article so she reluctantly agrees.
They start talking about the local bru-ha-ha involving the church and the old women but DD shrugs it off. The Sheriff reportedly asked DD to talk to 'Miz' Poet after the Reverend preached about the evil devil-worshipping witches but DD (correctly) didn't think it was her place. And I gotta tell ya. If I was dancing around naked in my own woods and the local police told me to stop I'd tell them to gtfo.
They decide that talking with 'Miz' Poet's friends is the best place to start. Joslyn Henry who apparently is an extraordinary gardener. Then we get a gardening lecture. Thrilling.
And Emily realizes that she's actually not as much a part of the town as she thought since she had no idea any of this was going on. Gee, it couldn't be that she feels above her neighbors, could it?
Emily picks up the check for their tea and coffee and thinks about how her and DD are going to be the talk of the café soon.
Out in the parking lot they shake hands on the bargain (again) and agree to meet at Harry's house a little bit later.
End of Chapter
Didn't know a mystery could be so dull did you? I may have gotten a little loud in this post but the fact that one of the main reasons that DD wants Emily to help is her education. One: I can't see an officer asking a civilian to help but, hey, that's usually the basis of a cozy mystery. Two: It really irritates me that they're basically insinuating that DD, being a small town gal, has very little education or logical thinking abilities. I could be wrong but I don't think they just hand out badges. I think there's some schooling involved.
And, seriously, WITCHES?! We're not in medieval times for fuck's sake. I don't think that I've ever heard anyone called a 'witch' (at least in that context) for real. It just seems like such an overdone attempt to make the wild north woods even more backwater.
All right, I'm done, I promise. For now. This book just makes me angrier each time I read it. The condescension and superior attitude are so unmistakable. And what is with the weird Southern-ish, cliché redneck accent?
Well, Thursday's Thanksgiving so I might have Chapter 6 up on schedule and I might not. Depends on how much dinner knocks me for a loop. So, in the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Chapter Five:
Emily goes to EATS and stops to check out the owner's latest genealogy find. If you may remember from the previous chapter Eugenia likes to trace her roots and most of them have been criminals. The latest is a John Holliday. Emily is keeping a tally on how many relatives have been hung and how many had been to jail. 41-9 in case you were wondering. She doesn't say which this one this is, probably because John Holliday died in a tuberculosis sanitarium. Oh, I mean, gee, who could he be?
Wrong Doc? Fine.
Better?
Eugenia and Emily gossip a bit about 'Miz' Poet. Guess Eugenia's not from downstate. Eugenia suggests that Emily interview a woman named Joslyn, who was a close friend of 'Miz' Poet. Apparently they were "closer than jelly donuts". Why jelly donuts would be closer than other pastry is beyond me but anything to make her sound more provincial, I guess.
Emily decides to escape before Eugenia starts talking about the family tree and is waited on by Gloria. The cleavage-baring Gloria because obviously. She's also engaged to the mailman who has a theory that the downstaters are killing them off to buy the land. Well...
Emily doesn't want lunch so she decides to kill some time with a cup of coffee before calling her boss with the nothing she got from the state police. Big spender.
She doesn't want to become the murderer in gossip because Leetsville likes quick, simple answers. Gloria brings her coffee and hovers for a bit before getting to the point. Apparently her preacher has been speaking out about "people worshipping the devil and bringing evil into our midst."
Really?!
Emily, of course, is startled at the mention of devil worship but then she reflects that "you never knew what folks up here might fixate on." Up here being the operative words.
Anyways, Gloria tells Emily the local gossip about 'Miz' Poet and her friends gathering in the woods to be near nature and dance and feel young. Yup, shore sounds like the devil's work to me. I'm really curious now to see just how 'Deliverance' she can make us sound. I'm really surprised that she hasn't mentioned someone marrying their cousin or sister or something.
Gloria says that Pastor Runcival was mad about it and insinuating that witches were afoot in the town. Oh, for fuck's sake.
Emily, being an educated woman from Ann Arbor, thinks that's crazy. Gloria chides her because Reverends always know best and there could be some crazy people in the woods back there. Like Emily. But, Emily is new. So she's safe from the witch-burning I guess.
Anywhat, Deputy Dolly enters and makes a beeline for Emily. I'm going to start calling her DD for brevity's sake. DD sits with Emily, having the uncouth Up North manners to set her hat on the table. Emily takes a little time out to mention that DD has "bad, dirty-blond, hat hair." I'm thinking Emily's more than a little judgey.
This is how I picture her looking at DD
Anywhere, DD proposes that she and Emily investigate the case together because...reasons? This makes absolutely no sense to me. Oh, Emily's got reporting skills and...educated. FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
Sorry, just got a little ragey there. Nope, no one up here has any of that there eddication. Grrr.
DD's only condition is that Emily never put her in a book. Yeah, we'll see how well that works out. Emily decides that teaming up with DD is going to be the only way to get any info for her article so she reluctantly agrees.
They start talking about the local bru-ha-ha involving the church and the old women but DD shrugs it off. The Sheriff reportedly asked DD to talk to 'Miz' Poet after the Reverend preached about the evil devil-worshipping witches but DD (correctly) didn't think it was her place. And I gotta tell ya. If I was dancing around naked in my own woods and the local police told me to stop I'd tell them to gtfo.
They decide that talking with 'Miz' Poet's friends is the best place to start. Joslyn Henry who apparently is an extraordinary gardener. Then we get a gardening lecture. Thrilling.
And Emily realizes that she's actually not as much a part of the town as she thought since she had no idea any of this was going on. Gee, it couldn't be that she feels above her neighbors, could it?
Emily picks up the check for their tea and coffee and thinks about how her and DD are going to be the talk of the café soon.
Out in the parking lot they shake hands on the bargain (again) and agree to meet at Harry's house a little bit later.
End of Chapter
Didn't know a mystery could be so dull did you? I may have gotten a little loud in this post but the fact that one of the main reasons that DD wants Emily to help is her education. One: I can't see an officer asking a civilian to help but, hey, that's usually the basis of a cozy mystery. Two: It really irritates me that they're basically insinuating that DD, being a small town gal, has very little education or logical thinking abilities. I could be wrong but I don't think they just hand out badges. I think there's some schooling involved.
And, seriously, WITCHES?! We're not in medieval times for fuck's sake. I don't think that I've ever heard anyone called a 'witch' (at least in that context) for real. It just seems like such an overdone attempt to make the wild north woods even more backwater.
All right, I'm done, I promise. For now. This book just makes me angrier each time I read it. The condescension and superior attitude are so unmistakable. And what is with the weird Southern-ish, cliché redneck accent?
Well, Thursday's Thanksgiving so I might have Chapter 6 up on schedule and I might not. Depends on how much dinner knocks me for a loop. So, in the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Teen Horror Sunday! The Locker- Chapter Two Recap
Last time:
Marlee had just arrived at her new school and met the Moon Elf Taylor.We also got the rundown on her flaky artist aunt and wise beyond his years little brother, Dobkin. And she got three warnings to "Be careful."
Chapter Two:
Now she's in school and the hallway is teeming with kids again, heading to their next class. And, of course, everyone's staring at the new girl. A student catches up to her to give Marlee her new locker assignment and take her around the school. The girl sounds rather pixie-ish so I'm picturing something like Tinkerbell. I'd use a picture but Disney spies would probably find me and kill me.
Anywho, the Pixie is named Noreen and, unlike other fictional characters I could name (*cough* Bella *cough*) Marlee is nice to her and hopes they become friends. Like most tiny girls in books, Noreen has a lot of personality and bulldozes their way through the hall. Marlee is surprised that Noreen knows so much about her new house and finds out that Noreen's mom is the realtor and it's a small town where everyone knows everything and everybody.
They gossip a bit about the former owner of the house, the oldness of it and the "depressing" old-fashioned furniture. How can furniture be depressing? Being a broke-ass bitch most of the time I get my furniture used and I really could care less what it looks like. As long as it's comfortable and clean, I'm good.
Anywhat, Noreen wonders why they didn't rent one of the more "gorgeous" apartments on a different street (I guess she isn't big on tact, maybe they cost more Noreen!). Noreen suggests making the house nice again to impress everyone and Marlee wonders why they should even worry about impressing anyone. They continue down the hall with Noreen pointing out various doors and teachers. They chat a bit more about how really really small the town is and that everyone's already impressed and jealous of Marlee because she came to them from the Outside World and everything.
The bell rings but Noreen continues to give her the grand tour so she can be out of class longer (my kind of girl). Marlee thinks about how she and Noreen are really clicking and that she'd like to be friends with her. Although she doesn't really want to get close to anyone because they move around so much. Which is, again, a welcome relief from some newer fiction because most of the Bella types only think about how much they hate people and especially hate it when people are nice to them. I'm sorry but I really hate that.
Anywhere, they walk around the school a bit more and bitch about the cold weather (I feel your pain, girl). They go to The Locker. Noreen acts a little funny about it and starts babbling a bit about it obviously being empty although Marlee can't see that because it's closed and they're several feet away. Oddly, The Locker won't open after a few attempts so she tells Noreen to hold her purse while she kicks it's ass.
It pops open suddenly, sending her back a few feet and then she gets overwhelmed with a really nasty stench. She feels hands clawing at her and hears screams of pain and terror.
That's one sucky locker.
End of Chapter
Looks like it's starting to get going so of course they end the chapter with a cliffhanger. At least things are actually happening.
You know, as much as I do poke fun at them the teen horror books from the nineties do hold up incredibly well. The protagonists are generally likeable (for the most part) and have personalities of their own. Some of the plots might be a little far-fetched but no more so than some modern books. And, honestly, I'm not a huge fan of the stream of consciousness style of writing that seems to be pretty popular lately. I don't mind a first person view but in the S.o.C. you're so limited on the world around the character in the book. Plus, it doesn't make sense at times. Just to use an example, in The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins there is a part explaining what the Tracker Jackers are. If we were truly in the character's mind then they would know what they are. They wouldn't have to elaborately explain it to the audience because they would already know. But Katniss does have to because the reader needs the explanation. So it makes it seem like the character is telling herself information that she should already know so it's either narrative cheating or making the character seem kind of dumb for having to explain simple facts of their world over and over again.
I'm not really picking on The Hunger Games because I did think it was a pretty decent book, that's just the first example that popped into my mind.
Anyways, my point is that in order to use that style you have to either narratively cheat or over-explain at times if you're not using it well. Stephanie Meyers and E.L. James I'm looking at you. Right at you. It's a hard style to pull off unless you're very talented at it.
Well, enough of me and back to the post.
Tuesday will be the riveting Chapter 5 recap of Dead Dancing Women so be on the watch for that!
And, as always, give me a like or a share if you like the blog or hit me up in the comments with any suggestions or requests. Thanks!
Marlee had just arrived at her new school and met the Moon Elf Taylor.We also got the rundown on her flaky artist aunt and wise beyond his years little brother, Dobkin. And she got three warnings to "Be careful."
Chapter Two:
Now she's in school and the hallway is teeming with kids again, heading to their next class. And, of course, everyone's staring at the new girl. A student catches up to her to give Marlee her new locker assignment and take her around the school. The girl sounds rather pixie-ish so I'm picturing something like Tinkerbell. I'd use a picture but Disney spies would probably find me and kill me.
Anywho, the Pixie is named Noreen and, unlike other fictional characters I could name (*cough* Bella *cough*) Marlee is nice to her and hopes they become friends. Like most tiny girls in books, Noreen has a lot of personality and bulldozes their way through the hall. Marlee is surprised that Noreen knows so much about her new house and finds out that Noreen's mom is the realtor and it's a small town where everyone knows everything and everybody.
They gossip a bit about the former owner of the house, the oldness of it and the "depressing" old-fashioned furniture. How can furniture be depressing? Being a broke-ass bitch most of the time I get my furniture used and I really could care less what it looks like. As long as it's comfortable and clean, I'm good.
Anywhat, Noreen wonders why they didn't rent one of the more "gorgeous" apartments on a different street (I guess she isn't big on tact, maybe they cost more Noreen!). Noreen suggests making the house nice again to impress everyone and Marlee wonders why they should even worry about impressing anyone. They continue down the hall with Noreen pointing out various doors and teachers. They chat a bit more about how really really small the town is and that everyone's already impressed and jealous of Marlee because she came to them from the Outside World and everything.
The bell rings but Noreen continues to give her the grand tour so she can be out of class longer (my kind of girl). Marlee thinks about how she and Noreen are really clicking and that she'd like to be friends with her. Although she doesn't really want to get close to anyone because they move around so much. Which is, again, a welcome relief from some newer fiction because most of the Bella types only think about how much they hate people and especially hate it when people are nice to them. I'm sorry but I really hate that.
Anywhere, they walk around the school a bit more and bitch about the cold weather (I feel your pain, girl). They go to The Locker. Noreen acts a little funny about it and starts babbling a bit about it obviously being empty although Marlee can't see that because it's closed and they're several feet away. Oddly, The Locker won't open after a few attempts so she tells Noreen to hold her purse while she kicks it's ass.
It pops open suddenly, sending her back a few feet and then she gets overwhelmed with a really nasty stench. She feels hands clawing at her and hears screams of pain and terror.
That's one sucky locker.
End of Chapter
Looks like it's starting to get going so of course they end the chapter with a cliffhanger. At least things are actually happening.
You know, as much as I do poke fun at them the teen horror books from the nineties do hold up incredibly well. The protagonists are generally likeable (for the most part) and have personalities of their own. Some of the plots might be a little far-fetched but no more so than some modern books. And, honestly, I'm not a huge fan of the stream of consciousness style of writing that seems to be pretty popular lately. I don't mind a first person view but in the S.o.C. you're so limited on the world around the character in the book. Plus, it doesn't make sense at times. Just to use an example, in The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins there is a part explaining what the Tracker Jackers are. If we were truly in the character's mind then they would know what they are. They wouldn't have to elaborately explain it to the audience because they would already know. But Katniss does have to because the reader needs the explanation. So it makes it seem like the character is telling herself information that she should already know so it's either narrative cheating or making the character seem kind of dumb for having to explain simple facts of their world over and over again.
I'm not really picking on The Hunger Games because I did think it was a pretty decent book, that's just the first example that popped into my mind.
Anyways, my point is that in order to use that style you have to either narratively cheat or over-explain at times if you're not using it well. Stephanie Meyers and E.L. James I'm looking at you. Right at you. It's a hard style to pull off unless you're very talented at it.
Well, enough of me and back to the post.
Tuesday will be the riveting Chapter 5 recap of Dead Dancing Women so be on the watch for that!
And, as always, give me a like or a share if you like the blog or hit me up in the comments with any suggestions or requests. Thanks!
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Dead Dancing Women: Chapter 4 Recap
Hello! Last time Emily sat by her lake and made a few calls. Excitement! Thrills! Get ready for...a trip to town!
As we rejoin Emily she's waking up, felling like crap. I guess shock will do that to you. She takes a shower and gets dressed, "pretending to glamour" with her streaky, too long hair. I have no idea what "pretending to glamour" means. And you know, I have absolutely no idea what this woman looks like. With all the other description we've gotten I'd think she could have spared a sentence or two about herself. I'm not even sure how her hair is streaked. Brown and gray? Blue and green? No idea. Maybe it's yellow since she throws on a "clean yellow cotton sweater" and gets into her yellow Jeep. Well, I'm glad she told us her shirt was clean. I was worried there for a minute.
She heads into town bitching about potholes and stopping for turkeys to be courteous. Except that it's kind of the law to stop for turkeys around here so courtesy doesn't really enter into it. She thinks that the turkey is bitching at her. Emily seems to have a real problem with thinking animals are thinking about her. And for wanting "mindless nature" she seems to hate wildlife.
Ooh, now we get a description of the town. Yay! She calls it a mid-sized village. Which calls to mind something fairly small. But, here's the layout: Two grocery stores, an IGA and a Mom and Pop sounding place. A library, an ammo store, a restaurant named Fuller's EATS (naturally) owned by a woman with a penchant for genealogy. Except that all her in-laws seem to be outlaws and ne'er-do-wells (I only mention this because it will pop up again, in one of my major annoyances of the book), A candy shop that has been busted for porn, a funeral home that sounds suspiciously like an actual one in a neighboring town (in real life), a beauty shop (which Emily doesn't trust, saving her hairstyling for Traverse City, the only town that can cut hair correctly, I guess), a barber shop with scary men smoking inside and a lot of Michigan Militia literature and a cigar store Indian (Native-American) outside. She ruminates a bit about the wisdom of offending the Native-Americans in the area who are getting wealthy and powerful off the casinos. I'm paraphrasing, but not by much. Which leads her to another offensive rumination that the locals
"take pride in their independence of thought, right along with the busted couches sitting on their front porches, their pickups with full gun racks, and their groaning deer pole every November."
Because saying people have trashy houses isn't rude at all. And gun racks are actually pretty rare around here though I will plead guilty to the deer thing. Except, Emily, you forgot bow season. Tsk tsk. I'm sure if she had remembered she would have been snarky about that as well.
There is also a feed store, a mechanic, a Five & Dime, a resale shop, a bakery, post office (a U.S. post office, no less) and some kind of wood product place which employs most of the town. There's also a bar called The Skunk Saloon, a bowling alley, three churches, a bank (that is horrible as well, Traverse City is apparently better at banking too) and the combination Police and Fire Station, to which she is now headed.
Sorry to inflict all that on you but that sounds like a pretty good-sized town to me. And I mostly mention it because Emily tells us that she loves planning her trips to town. Even though she doesn't seem to like or use any of it, preferring Traverse City.
And a mention about the bank. There are two towns closer to her fictional Leetsville that have perfectly fine banks and services. Kalkaska and Mancelona. But since I think she made up her town out of bits and pieces of those two towns then she chooses to ignore them. I could be wrong, however, we'll see if they get deemed worth a mention.
Anywho, Emily arrives at the Police Station to find a state police officer ( I somehow feel that should be capitalized but she didn't so I'm not going to). They all get introduced and we're told Officer Brent (the trooper) has a shaved head and unibrow, because, of course. Then Chief Lucky actually uses the word Mrs. as opposed to Miz and I get happy thinking that maybe E.K.B. deemed him smart after all but no, he's back to saying Miz the next sentence. Geez, at least be consistent with your bizarre dialect choices, Elizabeth. And, I swear, I have never heard anyone use the word 'Miz' before. It seems like she just grabbed a random redneck accent to use. WE DON'T TALK LIKE THAT! Sorry for the yelling but it had to be done.
She starts interrogating them for her article and the Chief goes along with it for a bit. Mostly just stuff about if he told the family (one daughter, a refined, delicate lady, gag). He also tells her that a search will be on for the rest of the lady. After pumping him for info she then politely informs him that she's covering it for her paper. Then Super Trooper pipes up telling her that she will have to get any of her information from the Gaylord State Police post. Ok, I'm not 100% on this but I do know that there is a State Police post in Kalkaska. Emily says that the one in Gaylord is the main one however. Since this could be accurate I'll defer to her. This time.
Emily answers some questions until Deputy Dolly interrupts by telling the trooper he'd be better off letting the locals handle the investigation because they know everybody and know all the local feuds. Which seems reasonable to me. Super Trooper thinks so too because a bar fight gone bad in Petoskey is much more interesting than a severed head. Ok?? I have the feeling that a bar fight shooting would be a local matter but that a severed head would be state but who am I to argue with the Gods of Contrivance?
Emily decides to leave and go to the local gossip mill, Fuller's EATS. I'm not yelling. That's the way it's written. She knows that everybody knows everybody back to their great-granddaddies and speculates that people there would know based on the perpetrator's lineage. In a conversation that uses more Generic Redneck Speak:
"Goes back to 'is great-grandfather, Chilton. I remember the man. Tipped over the Johnson's outhouse one Halloween and never had the gumption to admit to it. Bad, right from then on. Coward, you might say. Fun is fun, but telling the truth is something else..."
Outhouse tipping! That sounds almost as fun as cow tipping! Ugh.
So, off to Fuller's EATS!
End of Chapter
And so winds up another exciting chapter of stereotyping and Emily pondering on animals gossiping about her.
Next Tuesday we'll find out what exciting things she learns at Fuller's EATS. And if she thinks their food is edible. My guess is it doesn't compare to Traverse City. And don't forget that Sunday is Teen Horror Sunday and we'll start another chapter of The Locker by Richie Tankersley Cusick. In which more fun things will probably happen than in this book.
As always, leave a comment, like, share or tweet about it if you found this interesting or entertaining at all. And please, feel free to leave a comment with suggestions or just to say hi!
As we rejoin Emily she's waking up, felling like crap. I guess shock will do that to you. She takes a shower and gets dressed, "pretending to glamour" with her streaky, too long hair. I have no idea what "pretending to glamour" means. And you know, I have absolutely no idea what this woman looks like. With all the other description we've gotten I'd think she could have spared a sentence or two about herself. I'm not even sure how her hair is streaked. Brown and gray? Blue and green? No idea. Maybe it's yellow since she throws on a "clean yellow cotton sweater" and gets into her yellow Jeep. Well, I'm glad she told us her shirt was clean. I was worried there for a minute.
She heads into town bitching about potholes and stopping for turkeys to be courteous. Except that it's kind of the law to stop for turkeys around here so courtesy doesn't really enter into it. She thinks that the turkey is bitching at her. Emily seems to have a real problem with thinking animals are thinking about her. And for wanting "mindless nature" she seems to hate wildlife.
This Turkey is Judging You
Ooh, now we get a description of the town. Yay! She calls it a mid-sized village. Which calls to mind something fairly small. But, here's the layout: Two grocery stores, an IGA and a Mom and Pop sounding place. A library, an ammo store, a restaurant named Fuller's EATS (naturally) owned by a woman with a penchant for genealogy. Except that all her in-laws seem to be outlaws and ne'er-do-wells (I only mention this because it will pop up again, in one of my major annoyances of the book), A candy shop that has been busted for porn, a funeral home that sounds suspiciously like an actual one in a neighboring town (in real life), a beauty shop (which Emily doesn't trust, saving her hairstyling for Traverse City, the only town that can cut hair correctly, I guess), a barber shop with scary men smoking inside and a lot of Michigan Militia literature and a cigar store Indian (Native-American) outside. She ruminates a bit about the wisdom of offending the Native-Americans in the area who are getting wealthy and powerful off the casinos. I'm paraphrasing, but not by much. Which leads her to another offensive rumination that the locals
"take pride in their independence of thought, right along with the busted couches sitting on their front porches, their pickups with full gun racks, and their groaning deer pole every November."
Because saying people have trashy houses isn't rude at all. And gun racks are actually pretty rare around here though I will plead guilty to the deer thing. Except, Emily, you forgot bow season. Tsk tsk. I'm sure if she had remembered she would have been snarky about that as well.
There is also a feed store, a mechanic, a Five & Dime, a resale shop, a bakery, post office (a U.S. post office, no less) and some kind of wood product place which employs most of the town. There's also a bar called The Skunk Saloon, a bowling alley, three churches, a bank (that is horrible as well, Traverse City is apparently better at banking too) and the combination Police and Fire Station, to which she is now headed.
Sorry to inflict all that on you but that sounds like a pretty good-sized town to me. And I mostly mention it because Emily tells us that she loves planning her trips to town. Even though she doesn't seem to like or use any of it, preferring Traverse City.
And a mention about the bank. There are two towns closer to her fictional Leetsville that have perfectly fine banks and services. Kalkaska and Mancelona. But since I think she made up her town out of bits and pieces of those two towns then she chooses to ignore them. I could be wrong, however, we'll see if they get deemed worth a mention.
Anywho, Emily arrives at the Police Station to find a state police officer ( I somehow feel that should be capitalized but she didn't so I'm not going to). They all get introduced and we're told Officer Brent (the trooper) has a shaved head and unibrow, because, of course. Then Chief Lucky actually uses the word Mrs. as opposed to Miz and I get happy thinking that maybe E.K.B. deemed him smart after all but no, he's back to saying Miz the next sentence. Geez, at least be consistent with your bizarre dialect choices, Elizabeth. And, I swear, I have never heard anyone use the word 'Miz' before. It seems like she just grabbed a random redneck accent to use. WE DON'T TALK LIKE THAT! Sorry for the yelling but it had to be done.
She starts interrogating them for her article and the Chief goes along with it for a bit. Mostly just stuff about if he told the family (one daughter, a refined, delicate lady, gag). He also tells her that a search will be on for the rest of the lady. After pumping him for info she then politely informs him that she's covering it for her paper. Then Super Trooper pipes up telling her that she will have to get any of her information from the Gaylord State Police post. Ok, I'm not 100% on this but I do know that there is a State Police post in Kalkaska. Emily says that the one in Gaylord is the main one however. Since this could be accurate I'll defer to her. This time.
Emily answers some questions until Deputy Dolly interrupts by telling the trooper he'd be better off letting the locals handle the investigation because they know everybody and know all the local feuds. Which seems reasonable to me. Super Trooper thinks so too because a bar fight gone bad in Petoskey is much more interesting than a severed head. Ok?? I have the feeling that a bar fight shooting would be a local matter but that a severed head would be state but who am I to argue with the Gods of Contrivance?
Emily decides to leave and go to the local gossip mill, Fuller's EATS. I'm not yelling. That's the way it's written. She knows that everybody knows everybody back to their great-granddaddies and speculates that people there would know based on the perpetrator's lineage. In a conversation that uses more Generic Redneck Speak:
"Goes back to 'is great-grandfather, Chilton. I remember the man. Tipped over the Johnson's outhouse one Halloween and never had the gumption to admit to it. Bad, right from then on. Coward, you might say. Fun is fun, but telling the truth is something else..."
Outhouse tipping! That sounds almost as fun as cow tipping! Ugh.
So, off to Fuller's EATS!
End of Chapter
And so winds up another exciting chapter of stereotyping and Emily pondering on animals gossiping about her.
Next Tuesday we'll find out what exciting things she learns at Fuller's EATS. And if she thinks their food is edible. My guess is it doesn't compare to Traverse City. And don't forget that Sunday is Teen Horror Sunday and we'll start another chapter of The Locker by Richie Tankersley Cusick. In which more fun things will probably happen than in this book.
As always, leave a comment, like, share or tweet about it if you found this interesting or entertaining at all. And please, feel free to leave a comment with suggestions or just to say hi!
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Dead Dancing Women - Chapter Three Recap
Last chapter those kooky local kops showed up to take away the head and accuse Emily of playing an elaborate 'prank'. 'Cause that's what cops do around here. We left off with Emily walking back to her house and contemplating getting a new garbage can.
Chapter Three:
Emily goes back inside to think on how she didn't know the poor dead head all that well but recognized the name from the search a few weeks ago. Because all these cops were in the woods near her along with news reporters following them and "trying to make a story where there was none."
Well, I call a missing local lady a news story but, as Emily points out, she didn't pay much attention because she wasn't assigned to it. Way to show concern for your fellow human beings.
She decides to make herself some tea and call her boss, Bill, who owns the second largest newspaper behind the Record Eagle (which is a real newspaper). I'm surprised she didn't say it was bigger than the Record Eagle because, wouldn't you know it, Bill's formerly from Detroit. The only people Emily will work for, obviously. I could also throw in a dash of snark and wonder why, if she's so great, she doesn't work for the Record Eagle.
Anywho, it's busy there, like always because Traverse City is a growing resort town. And there's just so so much news here. Always. Enough for two large papers., apparently. This is also where she awkwardly tells us that he's from Detroit. I will lighten the snark on the awkward info dumps because it's the first book in a series and, while it might not seem so, it is an unusually hard area to describe and she's still setting up the characters.
Anywhat, she tells him about the head and he asks how she knows it was a head then corrects himself. (I'm not being bitchy, it's actually pretty funny, I'd probably say the same thing if my friend told me she found a head in her garbage can.)
Anywhere, she tells him it was Mrs. Poet (and now we know that Emily and Bill are educated. They say Mrs. Poet instead of Miz Poet. He also manages a jibe at the Leetsville police by saying that morning's soon enough for them to have Emily make her statement. Because her decription of finding the head trumps giving her a minute to get over the shock. Implying they're slow.
Anyhow, they dither a bit about the story to run and what Emily will need for it. Fascinating. He also asks if Emily's ok, which I'll just go ahead and assume that he'll be a love interest later.
Anywhy, they hang up and Emily debates calling her ex, Jackson, to talk about it but changes her mind since he was not amused by her beaver slapping story. That's not sexual code or anything. She called him to tell him about her beaver (in her lake you perverts) slapping the water to warn her away and she slapped the water back. I'm thinking a severed head in a garbage can is a little different than a beaver story but if he can't be called for comfort after a dead head shows up then I'm guessing she's better off without him.
Moving on, she puts on some James Taylor to soothe her nerves and think about the fact that someone purposely put the head in her garbage can. She takes the phone off the hook to avoid reporters. Y'know, those damn local ones that are so so tacky and want her to pose with the garbage can. Probably the Record Eagle. After all, they're locals. They wouldn't know any better.
She decides that work is the best cure for such a shock and dials up the Survivalists that she's supposed to do the story on. She gets on the phone with Survivor Man Dave to set up the appointment. He's instantly insulting by saying he "kinda thought she'd send a man" for the story because there's hiking and maybe shooting involved. I'm going to call bullshit here. His wife lives there with him and other people. So for him to assume only "a Man" could keep up is just asinine. A lot of women hunt up here (and everywhere, now). But, you know, anything to make him sound like a Backwoods Bubba, I guess. Emily cracks me up when she assures him that she can hike and shoot. Mainly the shooting. Before they hang up they make me really hungry by talking about venison stew and cornbread. Bastards.
She makes herself a dainty, feminine lunch and goes out togloat look at her lake. Which we get described. It sounds pretty. She reflects that she came to the "North Country" for peace and mindless nature. She also thinks back to a nasty summer storm that sounds a lot like the one we just had recently but that we haven't had in quite a long time. Like decades. So, I'm thinking she just wants to make it sound as scary as possible living in the wilds all by her lonesome.
She decides to go back in and gets the crap scared out of her by her beaver (I'm going to have so much fun with this if she keeps talking about it) and bitches to herself that she'll have her neighbor turn it into beaver stew. I don't know about anyone else but I think having a beaver in my private lake would be awesome but that's just me. Emily, lover of nature, wants to kill it.
End of Chapter
Next time: Will Emily triumph over her beaver? Find out tomorrow!
As always, thanks for reading and feel free to leave a comment or two. I'm always looking for ways to improve the blog or ideas for the next recap or review. Thanks!
Chapter Three:
Emily goes back inside to think on how she didn't know the poor dead head all that well but recognized the name from the search a few weeks ago. Because all these cops were in the woods near her along with news reporters following them and "trying to make a story where there was none."
Well, I call a missing local lady a news story but, as Emily points out, she didn't pay much attention because she wasn't assigned to it. Way to show concern for your fellow human beings.
She decides to make herself some tea and call her boss, Bill, who owns the second largest newspaper behind the Record Eagle (which is a real newspaper). I'm surprised she didn't say it was bigger than the Record Eagle because, wouldn't you know it, Bill's formerly from Detroit. The only people Emily will work for, obviously. I could also throw in a dash of snark and wonder why, if she's so great, she doesn't work for the Record Eagle.
Anywho, it's busy there, like always because Traverse City is a growing resort town. And there's just so so much news here. Always. Enough for two large papers., apparently. This is also where she awkwardly tells us that he's from Detroit. I will lighten the snark on the awkward info dumps because it's the first book in a series and, while it might not seem so, it is an unusually hard area to describe and she's still setting up the characters.
Anywhat, she tells him about the head and he asks how she knows it was a head then corrects himself. (I'm not being bitchy, it's actually pretty funny, I'd probably say the same thing if my friend told me she found a head in her garbage can.)
Anywhere, she tells him it was Mrs. Poet (and now we know that Emily and Bill are educated. They say Mrs. Poet instead of Miz Poet. He also manages a jibe at the Leetsville police by saying that morning's soon enough for them to have Emily make her statement. Because her decription of finding the head trumps giving her a minute to get over the shock. Implying they're slow.
Leetsville P.D.
Anyhow, they dither a bit about the story to run and what Emily will need for it. Fascinating. He also asks if Emily's ok, which I'll just go ahead and assume that he'll be a love interest later.
Anywhy, they hang up and Emily debates calling her ex, Jackson, to talk about it but changes her mind since he was not amused by her beaver slapping story. That's not sexual code or anything. She called him to tell him about her beaver (in her lake you perverts) slapping the water to warn her away and she slapped the water back. I'm thinking a severed head in a garbage can is a little different than a beaver story but if he can't be called for comfort after a dead head shows up then I'm guessing she's better off without him.
She decides that work is the best cure for such a shock and dials up the Survivalists that she's supposed to do the story on. She gets on the phone with Survivor Man Dave to set up the appointment. He's instantly insulting by saying he "kinda thought she'd send a man" for the story because there's hiking and maybe shooting involved. I'm going to call bullshit here. His wife lives there with him and other people. So for him to assume only "a Man" could keep up is just asinine. A lot of women hunt up here (and everywhere, now). But, you know, anything to make him sound like a Backwoods Bubba, I guess. Emily cracks me up when she assures him that she can hike and shoot. Mainly the shooting. Before they hang up they make me really hungry by talking about venison stew and cornbread. Bastards.
She makes herself a dainty, feminine lunch and goes out to
She decides to go back in and gets the crap scared out of her by her beaver (I'm going to have so much fun with this if she keeps talking about it) and bitches to herself that she'll have her neighbor turn it into beaver stew. I don't know about anyone else but I think having a beaver in my private lake would be awesome but that's just me. Emily, lover of nature, wants to kill it.
Sexy Beaver Will Fight Back
End of Chapter
Next time: Will Emily triumph over her beaver? Find out tomorrow!
As always, thanks for reading and feel free to leave a comment or two. I'm always looking for ways to improve the blog or ideas for the next recap or review. Thanks!
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Quick Update
Due to a (minor) family emergency I had to put off today's Dead Dancing Women recap until tomorrow but Thursday's will be up on schedule!
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Point Horror Sunday!
THE LOCKER by Richie Tankersley Cusick
As promised I'll be starting the Point Horror recaps today. Well, I'm kind of using Point as a catchall for the '90s teen horror books. If it happens to be a different publisher I'll let you know. The first one up is The Locker (in case you hadn't guessed). The cover is pretty cool looking:
Synopsis:
After the death of their parents Marlee Fleming and her little brother are left in the care of their aunt. They move to a new town hoping to get a fresh start. Things go well at first. A cute guy, a new friend. But then they act weird about The Locker she's been assigned which had belonged to a student who disappeared. After opening her locker she gets a terrifying vision. Now she's afraid. Afraid of her premonitions, afraid of what it might cost her. And she should be afraid. Very afraid.
The Pickings:
We open with Aunt Celia dropping off Marlee at her new school. She tells Marlee that she's looking a little strange today. Just what every girl wants to hear on their first day at a new school, I'm sure. We're told Aunt Celia is wearing, as usual, "overalls with a red flannel shirt underneath". So, I'm guessing she's 'unusual'. And yes, indeed, she is. She's an artist. Something with clay. And since artists are unusual we're told Aunt C looks young enough to pass for nineteen. Aunt C starts to say something about Marlee's mom but trails off and tells her to be careful. Which gives Marlee a painful little heart tug. So, Aunt C tells her she looks strange and then reminds Marlee of her dead mother right before school. Great encouragement there.
Before they leave she pokes her head in for one last chat with her little brother whom she'll be picking up after school. Aunt C makes a joke that Marlee better remember the password or Dobkin (seriously, that's his name) will be stuck in his after school arts program. Wow, way to make them really feel at ease there. Dobkin was named after their grandfather and, of course, he's wise beyond his years. I am always torn on young kids being mini-geniuses. On one hand I hate it when they make kids out to be as dumb as rocks. On the other hand, almost every kid in bookdom is an 'old soul' and perceptive beyond belief. Oh well. Onward.
Dobkin also tells her to be careful. Left alone Marlee stares at her new school a bit while she ruminates on how long it takes her to adjust while Dobkin fits in right away. And Aunt Celia has been moving them around quite a bit. Just what kids need after the traumatic death of their parents. Because, in Aunt C's words "there's a whole wonderful world out there, we have no excuse ever to be bored!" But maybe the children you are now raising might like to stay in one place. Although, really, they don't seem to complain too much about it. So maybe it's just me.
Anyway, their system is she takes out a map of the U.S. and they take turns closing their eyes and sticks a finger on the map. Then they pack up and move. We're told they moved a little early this year (Missouri) and they are now finishing out the school year in the new one. So it must be early-late Spring. We get some more description of Aunt C which is pretty much your artist grab bag. She's scatterbrained and creative and has wanderlust. She is also independently wealthy I guess, since she never sells any of her sculptures but they move around a lot. So, yeah, I'm a flaming ball of jealousy right now.
During this she's been standing outside so I guess she's been standing there with zone-out face this whole time. She gives herself a big old "I'm brave!" purse swing and hits someone behind her. And am I the only one who thinks it's weird that she takes a purse to school? Maybe it's common (or was) but I just used a backpack and dumped everything in there.
Anywho, turns out the person she hit in the stomach was a guy. Enter The Heartthrob who seems to be dressed in a large black overcoat that's buttoned all the way down to his black high tops and a black baseball cap. Backwards, naturally because that's how the nineties kids roll, man. And if this were a modern-day school he'd be arrested by now. And who the hell wears an overcoat buttoned all the way up? It's not even comfortable and certainly doesn't look cool. Even then.
He jokes a little bit about her lethal purse and whatnot. While he picks his stuff up she uses this time to eyeball him a little and notice how cute he is and "how soft his hair looked as he shook it back from his wide dark eyes." Even though he has a baseball hat on. That is some super x-ray vision there Marlee. She describes him to us and he kind of sounds like the Necromancer from Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance II so I'll just put this here:
As promised I'll be starting the Point Horror recaps today. Well, I'm kind of using Point as a catchall for the '90s teen horror books. If it happens to be a different publisher I'll let you know. The first one up is The Locker (in case you hadn't guessed). The cover is pretty cool looking:
After the death of their parents Marlee Fleming and her little brother are left in the care of their aunt. They move to a new town hoping to get a fresh start. Things go well at first. A cute guy, a new friend. But then they act weird about The Locker she's been assigned which had belonged to a student who disappeared. After opening her locker she gets a terrifying vision. Now she's afraid. Afraid of her premonitions, afraid of what it might cost her. And she should be afraid. Very afraid.
The Pickings:
We open with Aunt Celia dropping off Marlee at her new school. She tells Marlee that she's looking a little strange today. Just what every girl wants to hear on their first day at a new school, I'm sure. We're told Aunt Celia is wearing, as usual, "overalls with a red flannel shirt underneath". So, I'm guessing she's 'unusual'. And yes, indeed, she is. She's an artist. Something with clay. And since artists are unusual we're told Aunt C looks young enough to pass for nineteen. Aunt C starts to say something about Marlee's mom but trails off and tells her to be careful. Which gives Marlee a painful little heart tug. So, Aunt C tells her she looks strange and then reminds Marlee of her dead mother right before school. Great encouragement there.
Before they leave she pokes her head in for one last chat with her little brother whom she'll be picking up after school. Aunt C makes a joke that Marlee better remember the password or Dobkin (seriously, that's his name) will be stuck in his after school arts program. Wow, way to make them really feel at ease there. Dobkin was named after their grandfather and, of course, he's wise beyond his years. I am always torn on young kids being mini-geniuses. On one hand I hate it when they make kids out to be as dumb as rocks. On the other hand, almost every kid in bookdom is an 'old soul' and perceptive beyond belief. Oh well. Onward.
Dobkin also tells her to be careful. Left alone Marlee stares at her new school a bit while she ruminates on how long it takes her to adjust while Dobkin fits in right away. And Aunt Celia has been moving them around quite a bit. Just what kids need after the traumatic death of their parents. Because, in Aunt C's words "there's a whole wonderful world out there, we have no excuse ever to be bored!" But maybe the children you are now raising might like to stay in one place. Although, really, they don't seem to complain too much about it. So maybe it's just me.
Anyway, their system is she takes out a map of the U.S. and they take turns closing their eyes and sticks a finger on the map. Then they pack up and move. We're told they moved a little early this year (Missouri) and they are now finishing out the school year in the new one. So it must be early-late Spring. We get some more description of Aunt C which is pretty much your artist grab bag. She's scatterbrained and creative and has wanderlust. She is also independently wealthy I guess, since she never sells any of her sculptures but they move around a lot. So, yeah, I'm a flaming ball of jealousy right now.
During this she's been standing outside so I guess she's been standing there with zone-out face this whole time. She gives herself a big old "I'm brave!" purse swing and hits someone behind her. And am I the only one who thinks it's weird that she takes a purse to school? Maybe it's common (or was) but I just used a backpack and dumped everything in there.
Anywho, turns out the person she hit in the stomach was a guy. Enter The Heartthrob who seems to be dressed in a large black overcoat that's buttoned all the way down to his black high tops and a black baseball cap. Backwards, naturally because that's how the nineties kids roll, man. And if this were a modern-day school he'd be arrested by now. And who the hell wears an overcoat buttoned all the way up? It's not even comfortable and certainly doesn't look cool. Even then.
He jokes a little bit about her lethal purse and whatnot. While he picks his stuff up she uses this time to eyeball him a little and notice how cute he is and "how soft his hair looked as he shook it back from his wide dark eyes." Even though he has a baseball hat on. That is some super x-ray vision there Marlee. She describes him to us and he kind of sounds like the Necromancer from Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance II so I'll just put this here:
You're welcome
They have their little meet-cute and he shows her where the office is. Also, his name is Ysuran Auondril Tyler. He sexily walks off backwards (managing to not run into a hallway teeming with students). Then he points at her and tells her to be careful. Wow, third time in five pages. And, as Marlee notes, warnings always come in three. Also, if a guy dressed all in black smiles when he says be careful and points at you, RUN. I've heard of bad things coming in threes but not specifically warnings. But then, warnings are rarely good, so, you know, there's that.
End of Chapter
So, these chapters are pretty short but I guess that's good since this is a weekend thing. Oh, and I just noticed that my book is actually Archway Publishing but I'm too lazy to retitle the whole project. So, I'll just mention them as I go along. I'd hate to get sued for attributing the wrong cover to the wrong publishing house.
Also also, as always, the buttons at the bottom do work even though they're grayed out. And, as ever, please leave a comment, like or tweet if you like the blog. I'll happily attend to any suggestions or criticisms but please keep it constructive, there's too much negativity on the internet as is and I'd like to keep this a happy place!
Thursday, November 12, 2015
DEAD DANCING WOMEN by Elizabeth Kane Buzzelli
Chapter Two Recap
Well, it's Thursday so that means it's time for another Recap! And, yay! I actually stuck to my schedule! Minor miracle. So, from now on, Tuesdays and Thursdays will be dedicated to the Dead Dancing Women recaps but just so you aren't left lonely on the weekend, that's when I'll be doing the Point Horror recap. For those of you not old like me Point Horror was big in the '90s for teen horror. They featured some of the biggies like Christopher Pike, R.L. Stine, Caroline B. Cooney, Diane Hoh, Richie Tankersley Cusick and more. Digging around through my books the other day I came across quite a few so I thought it'd be fun to read them and see how well they still hold up after all these years and share my findings with you. We'll either marvel over how good they are or tear them apart like all the rest. Either way it should be fun!
Now that that's settled we can get back to Emily.
Last time we left her she told us about her life in Northern Michigan and found a head. Happy times.
The Pickings:
We start right after she finds the head and does a crazy dance/leap/twirl thing and knocks over the garbage can, sending the head rolling into the road. Lovely.
Then a spinny little thought about...crows. Again. I guess the fragmented sentences are meant to show how much she's flipping out right now. Whatever.
She gets it together pretty quick and decides to call the police (one realism point for someone actually doing what a normal person would do) and her boss? OK, I get that she's a journalist but wouldn't that be a little lower on the list?
Anywho, She's afraid a car might hit the head, which is now in the road, or the crows might take off with it. So she sticks her garbage can over it. Which is pretty smart. It would help preserve any evidence from the rain (not that it will matter as you'll see in a moment) and would make it visible to cars. Thumbs up, Emily.
She runs to her studio (where she takes the time to tell us that her lock is "temperamental" I'm glad she told us. I was wondering.) to call the police. Who don't believe her at first. Um, ok. Although this won't be the last instance of Hyuck-Redneck Cops if you have a missing woman why in fuck would you accuse a woman who you know is mentally stable of playing a dumbass prank.
Anywhat, she's trying to convince him which naturally leads her to tally up her 'artistic sanctuary': A photo of Georgia O'Keefe, a Jim Harrison poem, an Erica Wieck poem, a lithograph of Emily Dickinson's house, and a painting of Flannery O'Connor. All a wealth of evidence that she's 'intelligent'. All of this, like I said, is noted while she's talking to the cops about a severed head. Okey dokey.
Anywhere, back with Chief Lucky Bernard she's finally convinced him that indeed, she does have a severed head. He sends a deputy her way. Deputy Dolly "scourge of the backwoods roads" who delights in giving tickets and is described in typical fashion. A squat woman with bad hat hair and no fashion sense. She's also described as being "a lot like Barney Fife, only not as pretty". Wow. Bitchy much? I laughed so hard at her having the "voice of a marionette". I'm thinking the word she was looking for was martinet because I have rarely heard a marionette talk on its own. But the, I'm just a lowly small-town girl, not a big-city writer like her. What do I know?
Anyhow, Deputy Dolly gets there in record time because she's there when Emily gets back to the top of her drive. You know, I have no idea where anything is in relation to anything else on this property. Not exactly a pick, just an observation.
Deputy Dolly lifts the can off the head. In the rain. And leaves it off. I guess they're not too worried about evidence.
Another Mini-rant:
We might not be cutting-edge but the police force does follow proper procedure on crimes. They don't haphazard it. Thanks for the Mayberry comparison Buzzelli.
Anywhen, they chat a bit until the Chief pulls up. They nod a bit over the head before letting Emily know that it's "Miz Poet", the elderly lady that has been missing the last couple weeks. Gee, didn't see that one coming. Another gripe I have with this book is the people talk like the stereotypical redneck. The only problem is, nobody here talks like that. Of course, her downstate compadres don't talk like that. Because they're !SMART!
Anywhen, They dither a bit about how the head ended up in the can, among their suggestions, an animal put it there. Luckily, !SMART! Emily saves the day by suggesting that it was ridiculous that an animal could have done it. They decide to wait for the 'Doc' to tell them what's up with the head. Which, most evidence is all washed away now. Good job.
Chief jibes her about her non-selling books. I guess I was wrong. Apparently, everyone thinks about her books. I stand corrected. She ruminates on this as she glooms her way back to her house. There follows a very deep observation about how in a small town everybody knows everything except the buried secrets. Original.
Chief wonders if the head might be something for a book she's writing. Really!? Even after they figured out it was the missing woman. I can't even say too much about the cops being dumb because in this type of book the cops usually are dumb but c'mon.
They tell Emily that she can wait until morning to make her statement. And then we end with Emily planning to get a new garbage can. Exciting.
End of Chapter
Well, that's all for Chapter Two. Join me next Tuesday to get the riveting Chapter Three. Does Emily get a new trash can? Can't wait to see!
On Saturday I'll be posting the first chapter recap of The Locker by Richie Tankersley Cusick.
As always, I appreciate any feedback, ideas or constructive criticism. Any books or movies that you'd like to see savaged just let me know!
Happy Almost Friday!
Chapter Two Recap
Well, it's Thursday so that means it's time for another Recap! And, yay! I actually stuck to my schedule! Minor miracle. So, from now on, Tuesdays and Thursdays will be dedicated to the Dead Dancing Women recaps but just so you aren't left lonely on the weekend, that's when I'll be doing the Point Horror recap. For those of you not old like me Point Horror was big in the '90s for teen horror. They featured some of the biggies like Christopher Pike, R.L. Stine, Caroline B. Cooney, Diane Hoh, Richie Tankersley Cusick and more. Digging around through my books the other day I came across quite a few so I thought it'd be fun to read them and see how well they still hold up after all these years and share my findings with you. We'll either marvel over how good they are or tear them apart like all the rest. Either way it should be fun!
Now that that's settled we can get back to Emily.
Last time we left her she told us about her life in Northern Michigan and found a head. Happy times.
The Pickings:
We start right after she finds the head and does a crazy dance/leap/twirl thing and knocks over the garbage can, sending the head rolling into the road. Lovely.
Then a spinny little thought about...crows. Again. I guess the fragmented sentences are meant to show how much she's flipping out right now. Whatever.
She gets it together pretty quick and decides to call the police (one realism point for someone actually doing what a normal person would do) and her boss? OK, I get that she's a journalist but wouldn't that be a little lower on the list?
Anywho, She's afraid a car might hit the head, which is now in the road, or the crows might take off with it. So she sticks her garbage can over it. Which is pretty smart. It would help preserve any evidence from the rain (not that it will matter as you'll see in a moment) and would make it visible to cars. Thumbs up, Emily.
She runs to her studio (where she takes the time to tell us that her lock is "temperamental" I'm glad she told us. I was wondering.) to call the police. Who don't believe her at first. Um, ok. Although this won't be the last instance of Hyuck-Redneck Cops if you have a missing woman why in fuck would you accuse a woman who you know is mentally stable of playing a dumbass prank.
Anywhat, she's trying to convince him which naturally leads her to tally up her 'artistic sanctuary': A photo of Georgia O'Keefe, a Jim Harrison poem, an Erica Wieck poem, a lithograph of Emily Dickinson's house, and a painting of Flannery O'Connor. All a wealth of evidence that she's 'intelligent'. All of this, like I said, is noted while she's talking to the cops about a severed head. Okey dokey.
Anywhere, back with Chief Lucky Bernard she's finally convinced him that indeed, she does have a severed head. He sends a deputy her way. Deputy Dolly "scourge of the backwoods roads" who delights in giving tickets and is described in typical fashion. A squat woman with bad hat hair and no fashion sense. She's also described as being "a lot like Barney Fife, only not as pretty". Wow. Bitchy much? I laughed so hard at her having the "voice of a marionette". I'm thinking the word she was looking for was martinet because I have rarely heard a marionette talk on its own. But the, I'm just a lowly small-town girl, not a big-city writer like her. What do I know?
Anyhow, Deputy Dolly gets there in record time because she's there when Emily gets back to the top of her drive. You know, I have no idea where anything is in relation to anything else on this property. Not exactly a pick, just an observation.
Deputy Dolly lifts the can off the head. In the rain. And leaves it off. I guess they're not too worried about evidence.
Another Mini-rant:
We might not be cutting-edge but the police force does follow proper procedure on crimes. They don't haphazard it. Thanks for the Mayberry comparison Buzzelli.
Anywhen, they chat a bit until the Chief pulls up. They nod a bit over the head before letting Emily know that it's "Miz Poet", the elderly lady that has been missing the last couple weeks. Gee, didn't see that one coming. Another gripe I have with this book is the people talk like the stereotypical redneck. The only problem is, nobody here talks like that. Of course, her downstate compadres don't talk like that. Because they're !SMART!
Anywhen, They dither a bit about how the head ended up in the can, among their suggestions, an animal put it there. Luckily, !SMART! Emily saves the day by suggesting that it was ridiculous that an animal could have done it. They decide to wait for the 'Doc' to tell them what's up with the head. Which, most evidence is all washed away now. Good job.
Chief jibes her about her non-selling books. I guess I was wrong. Apparently, everyone thinks about her books. I stand corrected. She ruminates on this as she glooms her way back to her house. There follows a very deep observation about how in a small town everybody knows everything except the buried secrets. Original.
Chief wonders if the head might be something for a book she's writing. Really!? Even after they figured out it was the missing woman. I can't even say too much about the cops being dumb because in this type of book the cops usually are dumb but c'mon.
They tell Emily that she can wait until morning to make her statement. And then we end with Emily planning to get a new garbage can. Exciting.
End of Chapter
Well, that's all for Chapter Two. Join me next Tuesday to get the riveting Chapter Three. Does Emily get a new trash can? Can't wait to see!
On Saturday I'll be posting the first chapter recap of The Locker by Richie Tankersley Cusick.
As always, I appreciate any feedback, ideas or constructive criticism. Any books or movies that you'd like to see savaged just let me know!
Happy Almost Friday!
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
DEAD DANCING WOMEN by Elizabeth Kane Buzzelli
I've been wanting to do this one for a bit now. I'm going to go chapter by chapter so, yeah, spoilers galore. I've been wanting to do it partly because it's set locally and partly because it deserves it. The author is originally from Ann Arbor and moved up north to teach creative writing at the Northwestern Michigan College. But, even before finishing the book, I pegged her as someone from the southern part of the state. I could tell because a lot of people from 'downstate' have certain ideas about the intelligence of the local people. Thanks to some beautiful lakes, hunting, fishing, skiing and snowmobiling we have tourists nearly year round.
And they're not subtle with their opinions about us. This might seem a little bitter but I'm not, really. But it's bad enough they think that, then to have a book written that does nothing but reinforce those stereotypes is a little...rage inducing.
Plus, a lot of it is just ridiculous and Emily Kincaid is a very annoying main character. She's stuck-up (see above), a doormat and whiny. Oh, yeah, any chapter subtitles are mine. The book follows a standard chapter format.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves. On to Northern Michigan!
Synopsis:
Would-be mystery writer Emily Kincaid has been living in Northern Michigan for the past three years. She wanted to escape the city and her cheating ex-husband to concentrate on her writing. She gets caught up in a mystery of her own when someone leaves a severed head in her garbage can. With the help of a local cop, Deputy Dolly, they try to solve the case with minor interruptions by her ex coming for a visit and her job as a freelance journalist.
The Pickings:
The book is told in first person through the eyes of Emily Kincaid. So we're in her head all of the time. Yay.
We open with Emily chasing down her garbage can that a black bear has been banging around for a few weeks. We are in the woods, y'all!
Then she maudlins a bit about autumn which brings us to an internal info-dump about how she found the property (she got lost), why she had the money to buy it (her father passed away) and her reasons for wanting to move (find peace, get away from the ex).
Then she encounters the crows who she likens to thugs because they pick apart her garbage and "scare the heck out of her".
More about the weather and autumn and a "not-so-bad husband, except for the one bad habit". From that and her calling him "poor Jackson" earlier I'm going to guess that his bad habit is not beating her or kinky sex.
More about the gang, The Crows. She notes that they're not there for the dead possum in the road. Oh no, they want her and her garbage can. Apparently The Crows are gossiping about her hair (which hasn't been styled in two whole months!), her jeans, her sweatshirt, her muddy shoes, her sex life (or lack thereof), and her failed mystery novels. Wow, The Crows are nothing but gossips I tell ya. Snooty bastards, too.
She ruminates to herself that she's becoming a joke to her few acquaintances (note the lack of the word 'friends'). Because of her failed novels. Because they have nothing better to do than talk about her, I suppose.
Warning Rant Incoming:
Apparently they've decided that she's so pathetic that she needs help so they're always stopping by with ideas for her. The problem, for her, is that these ideas always come from the TV show they've watched the night before. Because us country folk don't have a creative bone in our body. Nope. We work, eat and fall asleep in front of the TV. We don't read them there things called 'books'. Shucks, no. We're also just too goshdarned dumb to remember what we've watched the night before.
Ok, I'm done. Sorry, that's one of the parts that royally ticked me off. And maybe not so badly if it weren't a recurring 'joke' throughout the book.
Anywho, her reverie on the stupidity of her acquaintances comes to an end with the arrival of Mailman Simon. She apparently intimidates him because she's an artist of some kind (evidenced by her mail from arts and literature agencies) and lives alone. Which makes her either crazy or a man-hater. Um, ok. She also receives *gasp!* books! From bookstores! Wow! She must be artsy!
Anywhat, his first comment to her is about the crows. For fuck's sake people, they're CROWS! They are not that special or unusual around here!
He offers her a puppy which activates "every thwarted instinct" but she refuses. What instincts? Maternal? Puppy-wanting?
They get into a discussion of dogs for protection and crime in the area. He talks a little about a missing lady (foreshadowing!) and criminals coming from 'up in Marquette'. Most of the potential crimes we list usually starts with 'all those people from downstate' (no offense) but Simon, who is supposedly from the area doesn't mention it at all. Funny, that. Also, one of the largest prisons in the U.S. is the Southern Michigan Correctional Facility in Jackson Michigan. But, yeah, let's worry about the Marquette Prison (which is almost too beautiful to be a prison) that is across the bridge, rather than one that is just down state from us. Sure, Buzzelli, whatever.
Anywhere, he also warns her about her neighbor, Harry, who lives off the grid and does odd jobs for people for money. She sticks up for Harry because he taught her how to identify morel mushrooms, puffball mushrooms and wild leeks.
Sorry for the interruption, again, but I have to call bullshit on Harry showing Emily where to find morels. One, the morels up here are getting over-picked because of the high price they fetch in stores and restaurants. And two, nobody, shares their mushrooming spots. Nobody. I've always said that you can find out who killed J.F.K. more easily than you can find out someone's mushrooming, hunting and fishing spots. That is not an exaggeration. You ask someone where they found their mushrooms and you'll hear, "Oh, around, you know. Out walking." So, yeah, bullshit.
Anyhow, she emphatically says no to the puppy but says how it's almost like he's smiling and sweet eyes so I have a feeling we're going to be reading about Emily's adventures with puppies in a bit.
Mailman Simon leaves and she contemplates the weather some more and procrastinates about going out to her workshop by her small lake to do some work on her novel. Which has a familiar feeling of having seen it before so she's worried it might be an old rerun (that of course came from her neighbors). She also mentions an article she's supposed to be doing freelance for a local newspaper. I have to interject again. Either her father must have left her fairly well off, she had some money saved or she did well in her divorce. Or all three. Because her only work is freelance journalism and the property she describes would not be cheap. A house (smallish, true, but at least two bedrooms) an outdoor thing that she uses as a writing studio and a small lake.
She finally gets to her garbage can and notes that the lid, unusually, is on instead of flung in the yard. Because garbage men are just like that, I guess. She notices something rolling around and opens it to find...a HEAD! Dun dun dunnn!
End of Chapter
I just wanted to say that although the share buttons below are grayed out, they DO work. I don't know why they're grayed out but you can like, share and tweet from here. So, if you like what you see, please do! I would appreciate it so much.
I'll be posting Chapter Two on Thursday so stay tuned!
As always I welcome any comments or suggestions! See you next time!
I've been wanting to do this one for a bit now. I'm going to go chapter by chapter so, yeah, spoilers galore. I've been wanting to do it partly because it's set locally and partly because it deserves it. The author is originally from Ann Arbor and moved up north to teach creative writing at the Northwestern Michigan College. But, even before finishing the book, I pegged her as someone from the southern part of the state. I could tell because a lot of people from 'downstate' have certain ideas about the intelligence of the local people. Thanks to some beautiful lakes, hunting, fishing, skiing and snowmobiling we have tourists nearly year round.
And they're not subtle with their opinions about us. This might seem a little bitter but I'm not, really. But it's bad enough they think that, then to have a book written that does nothing but reinforce those stereotypes is a little...rage inducing.
Plus, a lot of it is just ridiculous and Emily Kincaid is a very annoying main character. She's stuck-up (see above), a doormat and whiny. Oh, yeah, any chapter subtitles are mine. The book follows a standard chapter format.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves. On to Northern Michigan!
Synopsis:
Would-be mystery writer Emily Kincaid has been living in Northern Michigan for the past three years. She wanted to escape the city and her cheating ex-husband to concentrate on her writing. She gets caught up in a mystery of her own when someone leaves a severed head in her garbage can. With the help of a local cop, Deputy Dolly, they try to solve the case with minor interruptions by her ex coming for a visit and her job as a freelance journalist.
The Pickings:
The book is told in first person through the eyes of Emily Kincaid. So we're in her head all of the time. Yay.
We open with Emily chasing down her garbage can that a black bear has been banging around for a few weeks. We are in the woods, y'all!
Then she maudlins a bit about autumn which brings us to an internal info-dump about how she found the property (she got lost), why she had the money to buy it (her father passed away) and her reasons for wanting to move (find peace, get away from the ex).
Then she encounters the crows who she likens to thugs because they pick apart her garbage and "scare the heck out of her".
More about the weather and autumn and a "not-so-bad husband, except for the one bad habit". From that and her calling him "poor Jackson" earlier I'm going to guess that his bad habit is not beating her or kinky sex.
More about the gang, The Crows. She notes that they're not there for the dead possum in the road. Oh no, they want her and her garbage can. Apparently The Crows are gossiping about her hair (which hasn't been styled in two whole months!), her jeans, her sweatshirt, her muddy shoes, her sex life (or lack thereof), and her failed mystery novels. Wow, The Crows are nothing but gossips I tell ya. Snooty bastards, too.
She ruminates to herself that she's becoming a joke to her few acquaintances (note the lack of the word 'friends'). Because of her failed novels. Because they have nothing better to do than talk about her, I suppose.
Warning Rant Incoming:
Apparently they've decided that she's so pathetic that she needs help so they're always stopping by with ideas for her. The problem, for her, is that these ideas always come from the TV show they've watched the night before. Because us country folk don't have a creative bone in our body. Nope. We work, eat and fall asleep in front of the TV. We don't read them there things called 'books'. Shucks, no. We're also just too goshdarned dumb to remember what we've watched the night before.
Ok, I'm done. Sorry, that's one of the parts that royally ticked me off. And maybe not so badly if it weren't a recurring 'joke' throughout the book.
Anywho, her reverie on the stupidity of her acquaintances comes to an end with the arrival of Mailman Simon. She apparently intimidates him because she's an artist of some kind (evidenced by her mail from arts and literature agencies) and lives alone. Which makes her either crazy or a man-hater. Um, ok. She also receives *gasp!* books! From bookstores! Wow! She must be artsy!
Anywhat, his first comment to her is about the crows. For fuck's sake people, they're CROWS! They are not that special or unusual around here!
He offers her a puppy which activates "every thwarted instinct" but she refuses. What instincts? Maternal? Puppy-wanting?
They get into a discussion of dogs for protection and crime in the area. He talks a little about a missing lady (foreshadowing!) and criminals coming from 'up in Marquette'. Most of the potential crimes we list usually starts with 'all those people from downstate' (no offense) but Simon, who is supposedly from the area doesn't mention it at all. Funny, that. Also, one of the largest prisons in the U.S. is the Southern Michigan Correctional Facility in Jackson Michigan. But, yeah, let's worry about the Marquette Prison (which is almost too beautiful to be a prison) that is across the bridge, rather than one that is just down state from us. Sure, Buzzelli, whatever.
Anywhere, he also warns her about her neighbor, Harry, who lives off the grid and does odd jobs for people for money. She sticks up for Harry because he taught her how to identify morel mushrooms, puffball mushrooms and wild leeks.
Sorry for the interruption, again, but I have to call bullshit on Harry showing Emily where to find morels. One, the morels up here are getting over-picked because of the high price they fetch in stores and restaurants. And two, nobody, shares their mushrooming spots. Nobody. I've always said that you can find out who killed J.F.K. more easily than you can find out someone's mushrooming, hunting and fishing spots. That is not an exaggeration. You ask someone where they found their mushrooms and you'll hear, "Oh, around, you know. Out walking." So, yeah, bullshit.
Anyhow, she emphatically says no to the puppy but says how it's almost like he's smiling and sweet eyes so I have a feeling we're going to be reading about Emily's adventures with puppies in a bit.
Mailman Simon leaves and she contemplates the weather some more and procrastinates about going out to her workshop by her small lake to do some work on her novel. Which has a familiar feeling of having seen it before so she's worried it might be an old rerun (that of course came from her neighbors). She also mentions an article she's supposed to be doing freelance for a local newspaper. I have to interject again. Either her father must have left her fairly well off, she had some money saved or she did well in her divorce. Or all three. Because her only work is freelance journalism and the property she describes would not be cheap. A house (smallish, true, but at least two bedrooms) an outdoor thing that she uses as a writing studio and a small lake.
She finally gets to her garbage can and notes that the lid, unusually, is on instead of flung in the yard. Because garbage men are just like that, I guess. She notices something rolling around and opens it to find...a HEAD! Dun dun dunnn!
End of Chapter
I just wanted to say that although the share buttons below are grayed out, they DO work. I don't know why they're grayed out but you can like, share and tweet from here. So, if you like what you see, please do! I would appreciate it so much.
I'll be posting Chapter Two on Thursday so stay tuned!
As always I welcome any comments or suggestions! See you next time!
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Just a quick update
Just A Quick Update
October and Halloween are now over. Now it's time to pig out on leftover Halloween candy and look forward to getting food-stoned on Thanksgiving Day. And avoiding the Black Friday sales. Seriously, those things are getting insanely out of hand.
Anywho, I thought we could take a break from movies and do some books. I will be doing chapter by chapter recaps of Dead Dancing Women by Elizabeth Kane Buzzelli.
And, just for funsies, I thought I'd do The Locker by Richie Tankersley Cusick. I used to love the old Point Horror so I thought I'd revisit some of them and see if they still hold up.
So, look for that coming in a day or two!
See you soon!
October and Halloween are now over. Now it's time to pig out on leftover Halloween candy and look forward to getting food-stoned on Thanksgiving Day. And avoiding the Black Friday sales. Seriously, those things are getting insanely out of hand.
Anywho, I thought we could take a break from movies and do some books. I will be doing chapter by chapter recaps of Dead Dancing Women by Elizabeth Kane Buzzelli.
And, just for funsies, I thought I'd do The Locker by Richie Tankersley Cusick. I used to love the old Point Horror so I thought I'd revisit some of them and see if they still hold up.
So, look for that coming in a day or two!
See you soon!
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
SLEEPY HOLLOW Pt. 2
SLEEPY HOLLOW PT. 2
Well, things got a little hectic there for a bit but, finally, here's the second part to Sleepy Hollow.
Ok, when we last left off Ichabod had found the Horseman's resting place. The Horseman and his HellHorse burst out of the Tree of the Dead and was in a hurry to be somewhere. Ichabod was following.
We see a nice, cozy, family scene between a husband, his wife and their small son. I'm sure this will end well. And actually, they ate so damn cute that it makes me mad they get Horseman'd. Speaking of whom, he kicks the door down. The husband tries to fight him off and the mother runs to hide the little boy under the floorboards. Then he comes for her. She knows she's pretty much screwed. The boy is hiding and the Horseman seems about to leave then...
I'm sorry, I can't even wrote it. Knowing what a Bitch the villain is it makes sense that they sent the Horseman after the entire family but still. What a Bitch! And actually here is where some filmmakers should take note. We don't actually see the Horseman decapitate the boy. We get all the information we need from the floorboards being torn up and the Horseman stuffing something in his bag on the way out the door. Let the imagination do the rest.
As the Horseman is leaving Brom attacks him but the Horseman appears to have no interest in him. The h horseman just fends off the attacks and keeps walking. Ichabod tries to stop Brom from going after him but brim keeps up the attack and Ichabod helps, getting a sword through the shoulder for his troubles. He fares much better than Brom, however, who gets cut in half.
Back at the Van Tassel house Ichabod is ill from the sword strike. For some reason. It's a clean, cauterized stab wound so there shouldn't be an infection at all. Of course, it is a Hell blade so maybe there's that.
Anywho, he tells the people gathered that the Horseman does not kill at random, that his targets are chosen by whomever holds his head. Katrina's downstairs doing witchy things and brings him a broth to drink. While he's out he finishes his memories of his mother. As a small boy he follows where his father took his mother and finds her in an iron maiden. He stumbles backward into a spiky chair thing, leaving the strange scars on his hand.
Back in the present he tells Katrina what happened to his mother and questions his decision to come there. There follows some cheese about kisses, witching, being bewitched blah blah blah.
Ichabod wakes up to find Lady Van Tassel waiting on him and she tells him that the servant girl, Sarah had run off.
Young Masbeth comes in and Ichabod does some deducting and ends up at the notaries, after scribbling a bit in his book. The end result being that he suspects Baltus Van Tassel because with the Van Garret's out of the way the fortune now goes to Van Tassel.
Ichabod returns to his room to find Katrina sitting at his desk looking at what he wrote. A terse exchange follows and she leaves but not before she sees where he hid the evidence against her father. Ichabod freaks out over a spider and makes young Masbeth move the bed to kill it. Under the bed they find a pentagram which Masbeth says is the evil eye and that someone is trying to harm Ichabod.
That night Ichabod sees a hooded figure mysteriously walking to somewhere. He stumbles upon Lady Van Tassel having some kinky-ish sex with the local minister. He watches as she cuts her hand and rubs it on the preachers back.
Cut to the next morning? I'm not sure. The movie is so gloomy it's hard to tell what time of the day it is. Ichabod find that his evidence is missing and do deduces that Katrina has taken it and goes to the rundown cottage. He finds her there, burning the evidence. A while bunch of melodrama ensues ending with her saying, "Farewell Ichabod Crane, I curse the day you came to Sleepy Hollow!"
And takes off on her horse.
Later he's talking to Lady Van Tassel. I just noticed this. Her hand is hurt (from her slicing it with a knife during the holy sexy-times) and she's struggling to take a hot, cast iron pot from the stove. And he makes no offer to help her at all. It cracks me up.
Anywhat, they chat a bit about Katrina then she says that she knows he followed her that night and saw her and asks him not to tell her husband. She also practically shoves her cut in his face which is a little gross. Speaking of which, her husband pops in sees the cut and she says that she'll bind it with arrowroot flowers that she'll gather before the town meeting.
Which, in the next scene, we see her doing. With the Horseman behind her.
We're now at the church where everyone is gathering for the big town meeting and Baltus Van Tassel comes running up on his house telling Katrina that the Horseman killed her stepmother. Ok, this is an itty bitty gripe. And I'm sure it was probably done to keep it straight that the current Lady Van Tassel is not Katrina's birth mother. BUT! At that time they did not use the phrase step-mother much. Since family bonds were considered unbreakable she would have just been called Katrina's mother or, if clarification were needed, mother-in-law. I'm done, carry on.
Soon after the Horseman appears and everyone rushes into the church. The Horseman cannot enter hallowed ground. So he's pacing outside while they shoot at him, because, you know, that's so effective.
Meanwhile, inside, there's drama brewing. It looks like one of the conspirators is going to confess when the reverend beans him on the head with a cross. Baltus shoots the reverend.
Outside the Horseman has figured if Baltus won't come to him willingly then a fence post spear through the heart will bring him. He pulls Baltus outside and, mission accomplished, leaves with his prize.
Katrina faints, dropping a piece of chalk, the same color in which the sign under his bed was drawn and also which Katrina was drawing inside the church.
This shot is very pretty. It's an overhead of Katrina in a pulpit but it looks like a shrine or funeral bier. It pan's slowly over the stunned crowd to show what she was drawing on the floor. Which leads Ichabod to conclude that it was her summoning the Horseman (forgetting I guess that he had the same sign under his bed and the Horseman never came for him).
He leaves the next day while she is either still unconscious or asleep. Masbeth tells him that he's an idiot to think that it was Katrina. Ichabod doesn't want to believe it but thinks that's the only conclusion. He burns his notes but cannot bring himself to burn the spellbook she gave him.
In the carriage he looks in the book and realizes that the symbol was one of protection, not evil. He also sees the body of 'Lady Van Tassel' being loaded into a coffin. He realizes that something is amiss and at that same moment, back at the Van Tassel house the very alive and well Lady Van Tassel steps from the shadows. Katrina faints, yet again. Well, that was easy for her.
Lady takes Katrina to a crappy windmill to do her monologuing and summon the Horseman to come for Katrina. She had cut off the servant girls head and cut her hand to make it look like her body and Baltus took off as soon as he saw the Horseman so he didn't actually see her get killed.
It turns out that Lady had lived in the rundown cottage with her mother, sister, and father until the fathers death. Then Van Garret kicked them out and no one would take them in because her mother was accused of witchcraft. Which is a little weird because Katrina does witchy things the whole movie. Whatever.
Anywhere, she, her mother and sister lives in the woods. Her mother died within a year. When she and her sister came upon the Horseman that day in the woods she promised her soul to Satan if she could call up the Horseman for revenge.
After this there's a lot of running from the Horseman and excitement and whatnot.
Ichabod gives the Horseman his head back. What's really funny is that he's getting his ass totally kicked by Lady Van Tassel and it isn't until Katrina clubs her with a branch that he's able to grab the skull.
The Horseman, knowing who had summoned him decides to take Lady Van Tassel back with him to hell.
Ichabod returns to New York, along with Masbeth. A happy ending for all.
Since its no longer October :( . I'll be staying a mystery series with chapter by chapter recaps. The book will be Dead Dancing Women by Elizabeth Kane Buzzelli. It's written about the area I live in so how could I not? Especially since it's ripe for being picked on!
As always, any suggestions or comments ate always welcome!
Well, things got a little hectic there for a bit but, finally, here's the second part to Sleepy Hollow.
Ok, when we last left off Ichabod had found the Horseman's resting place. The Horseman and his HellHorse burst out of the Tree of the Dead and was in a hurry to be somewhere. Ichabod was following.
We see a nice, cozy, family scene between a husband, his wife and their small son. I'm sure this will end well. And actually, they ate so damn cute that it makes me mad they get Horseman'd. Speaking of whom, he kicks the door down. The husband tries to fight him off and the mother runs to hide the little boy under the floorboards. Then he comes for her. She knows she's pretty much screwed. The boy is hiding and the Horseman seems about to leave then...
I'm sorry, I can't even wrote it. Knowing what a Bitch the villain is it makes sense that they sent the Horseman after the entire family but still. What a Bitch! And actually here is where some filmmakers should take note. We don't actually see the Horseman decapitate the boy. We get all the information we need from the floorboards being torn up and the Horseman stuffing something in his bag on the way out the door. Let the imagination do the rest.
As the Horseman is leaving Brom attacks him but the Horseman appears to have no interest in him. The h horseman just fends off the attacks and keeps walking. Ichabod tries to stop Brom from going after him but brim keeps up the attack and Ichabod helps, getting a sword through the shoulder for his troubles. He fares much better than Brom, however, who gets cut in half.
Back at the Van Tassel house Ichabod is ill from the sword strike. For some reason. It's a clean, cauterized stab wound so there shouldn't be an infection at all. Of course, it is a Hell blade so maybe there's that.
Anywho, he tells the people gathered that the Horseman does not kill at random, that his targets are chosen by whomever holds his head. Katrina's downstairs doing witchy things and brings him a broth to drink. While he's out he finishes his memories of his mother. As a small boy he follows where his father took his mother and finds her in an iron maiden. He stumbles backward into a spiky chair thing, leaving the strange scars on his hand.
Back in the present he tells Katrina what happened to his mother and questions his decision to come there. There follows some cheese about kisses, witching, being bewitched blah blah blah.
Ichabod wakes up to find Lady Van Tassel waiting on him and she tells him that the servant girl, Sarah had run off.
Young Masbeth comes in and Ichabod does some deducting and ends up at the notaries, after scribbling a bit in his book. The end result being that he suspects Baltus Van Tassel because with the Van Garret's out of the way the fortune now goes to Van Tassel.
Ichabod returns to his room to find Katrina sitting at his desk looking at what he wrote. A terse exchange follows and she leaves but not before she sees where he hid the evidence against her father. Ichabod freaks out over a spider and makes young Masbeth move the bed to kill it. Under the bed they find a pentagram which Masbeth says is the evil eye and that someone is trying to harm Ichabod.
That night Ichabod sees a hooded figure mysteriously walking to somewhere. He stumbles upon Lady Van Tassel having some kinky-ish sex with the local minister. He watches as she cuts her hand and rubs it on the preachers back.
Cut to the next morning? I'm not sure. The movie is so gloomy it's hard to tell what time of the day it is. Ichabod find that his evidence is missing and do deduces that Katrina has taken it and goes to the rundown cottage. He finds her there, burning the evidence. A while bunch of melodrama ensues ending with her saying, "Farewell Ichabod Crane, I curse the day you came to Sleepy Hollow!"
And takes off on her horse.
Later he's talking to Lady Van Tassel. I just noticed this. Her hand is hurt (from her slicing it with a knife during the holy sexy-times) and she's struggling to take a hot, cast iron pot from the stove. And he makes no offer to help her at all. It cracks me up.
Anywhat, they chat a bit about Katrina then she says that she knows he followed her that night and saw her and asks him not to tell her husband. She also practically shoves her cut in his face which is a little gross. Speaking of which, her husband pops in sees the cut and she says that she'll bind it with arrowroot flowers that she'll gather before the town meeting.
Which, in the next scene, we see her doing. With the Horseman behind her.
We're now at the church where everyone is gathering for the big town meeting and Baltus Van Tassel comes running up on his house telling Katrina that the Horseman killed her stepmother. Ok, this is an itty bitty gripe. And I'm sure it was probably done to keep it straight that the current Lady Van Tassel is not Katrina's birth mother. BUT! At that time they did not use the phrase step-mother much. Since family bonds were considered unbreakable she would have just been called Katrina's mother or, if clarification were needed, mother-in-law. I'm done, carry on.
Soon after the Horseman appears and everyone rushes into the church. The Horseman cannot enter hallowed ground. So he's pacing outside while they shoot at him, because, you know, that's so effective.
Meanwhile, inside, there's drama brewing. It looks like one of the conspirators is going to confess when the reverend beans him on the head with a cross. Baltus shoots the reverend.
Outside the Horseman has figured if Baltus won't come to him willingly then a fence post spear through the heart will bring him. He pulls Baltus outside and, mission accomplished, leaves with his prize.
Katrina faints, dropping a piece of chalk, the same color in which the sign under his bed was drawn and also which Katrina was drawing inside the church.
This shot is very pretty. It's an overhead of Katrina in a pulpit but it looks like a shrine or funeral bier. It pan's slowly over the stunned crowd to show what she was drawing on the floor. Which leads Ichabod to conclude that it was her summoning the Horseman (forgetting I guess that he had the same sign under his bed and the Horseman never came for him).
He leaves the next day while she is either still unconscious or asleep. Masbeth tells him that he's an idiot to think that it was Katrina. Ichabod doesn't want to believe it but thinks that's the only conclusion. He burns his notes but cannot bring himself to burn the spellbook she gave him.
In the carriage he looks in the book and realizes that the symbol was one of protection, not evil. He also sees the body of 'Lady Van Tassel' being loaded into a coffin. He realizes that something is amiss and at that same moment, back at the Van Tassel house the very alive and well Lady Van Tassel steps from the shadows. Katrina faints, yet again. Well, that was easy for her.
Lady takes Katrina to a crappy windmill to do her monologuing and summon the Horseman to come for Katrina. She had cut off the servant girls head and cut her hand to make it look like her body and Baltus took off as soon as he saw the Horseman so he didn't actually see her get killed.
It turns out that Lady had lived in the rundown cottage with her mother, sister, and father until the fathers death. Then Van Garret kicked them out and no one would take them in because her mother was accused of witchcraft. Which is a little weird because Katrina does witchy things the whole movie. Whatever.
Anywhere, she, her mother and sister lives in the woods. Her mother died within a year. When she and her sister came upon the Horseman that day in the woods she promised her soul to Satan if she could call up the Horseman for revenge.
After this there's a lot of running from the Horseman and excitement and whatnot.
Ichabod gives the Horseman his head back. What's really funny is that he's getting his ass totally kicked by Lady Van Tassel and it isn't until Katrina clubs her with a branch that he's able to grab the skull.
The Horseman, knowing who had summoned him decides to take Lady Van Tassel back with him to hell.
Ichabod returns to New York, along with Masbeth. A happy ending for all.
Since its no longer October :( . I'll be staying a mystery series with chapter by chapter recaps. The book will be Dead Dancing Women by Elizabeth Kane Buzzelli. It's written about the area I live in so how could I not? Especially since it's ripe for being picked on!
As always, any suggestions or comments ate always welcome!
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