Chapter Five:
Emily goes to EATS and stops to check out the owner's latest genealogy find. If you may remember from the previous chapter Eugenia likes to trace her roots and most of them have been criminals. The latest is a John Holliday. Emily is keeping a tally on how many relatives have been hung and how many had been to jail. 41-9 in case you were wondering. She doesn't say which this one this is, probably because John Holliday died in a tuberculosis sanitarium. Oh, I mean, gee, who could he be?
Wrong Doc? Fine.
Better?
Eugenia and Emily gossip a bit about 'Miz' Poet. Guess Eugenia's not from downstate. Eugenia suggests that Emily interview a woman named Joslyn, who was a close friend of 'Miz' Poet. Apparently they were "closer than jelly donuts". Why jelly donuts would be closer than other pastry is beyond me but anything to make her sound more provincial, I guess.
Emily decides to escape before Eugenia starts talking about the family tree and is waited on by Gloria. The cleavage-baring Gloria because obviously. She's also engaged to the mailman who has a theory that the downstaters are killing them off to buy the land. Well...
Emily doesn't want lunch so she decides to kill some time with a cup of coffee before calling her boss with the nothing she got from the state police. Big spender.
She doesn't want to become the murderer in gossip because Leetsville likes quick, simple answers. Gloria brings her coffee and hovers for a bit before getting to the point. Apparently her preacher has been speaking out about "people worshipping the devil and bringing evil into our midst."
Really?!
Emily, of course, is startled at the mention of devil worship but then she reflects that "you never knew what folks up here might fixate on." Up here being the operative words.
Anyways, Gloria tells Emily the local gossip about 'Miz' Poet and her friends gathering in the woods to be near nature and dance and feel young. Yup, shore sounds like the devil's work to me. I'm really curious now to see just how 'Deliverance' she can make us sound. I'm really surprised that she hasn't mentioned someone marrying their cousin or sister or something.
Gloria says that Pastor Runcival was mad about it and insinuating that witches were afoot in the town. Oh, for fuck's sake.
Emily, being an educated woman from Ann Arbor, thinks that's crazy. Gloria chides her because Reverends always know best and there could be some crazy people in the woods back there. Like Emily. But, Emily is new. So she's safe from the witch-burning I guess.
Anywhat, Deputy Dolly enters and makes a beeline for Emily. I'm going to start calling her DD for brevity's sake. DD sits with Emily, having the uncouth Up North manners to set her hat on the table. Emily takes a little time out to mention that DD has "bad, dirty-blond, hat hair." I'm thinking Emily's more than a little judgey.
This is how I picture her looking at DD
Anywhere, DD proposes that she and Emily investigate the case together because...reasons? This makes absolutely no sense to me. Oh, Emily's got reporting skills and...educated. FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
Sorry, just got a little ragey there. Nope, no one up here has any of that there eddication. Grrr.
DD's only condition is that Emily never put her in a book. Yeah, we'll see how well that works out. Emily decides that teaming up with DD is going to be the only way to get any info for her article so she reluctantly agrees.
They start talking about the local bru-ha-ha involving the church and the old women but DD shrugs it off. The Sheriff reportedly asked DD to talk to 'Miz' Poet after the Reverend preached about the evil devil-worshipping witches but DD (correctly) didn't think it was her place. And I gotta tell ya. If I was dancing around naked in my own woods and the local police told me to stop I'd tell them to gtfo.
They decide that talking with 'Miz' Poet's friends is the best place to start. Joslyn Henry who apparently is an extraordinary gardener. Then we get a gardening lecture. Thrilling.
And Emily realizes that she's actually not as much a part of the town as she thought since she had no idea any of this was going on. Gee, it couldn't be that she feels above her neighbors, could it?
Emily picks up the check for their tea and coffee and thinks about how her and DD are going to be the talk of the café soon.
Out in the parking lot they shake hands on the bargain (again) and agree to meet at Harry's house a little bit later.
End of Chapter
Didn't know a mystery could be so dull did you? I may have gotten a little loud in this post but the fact that one of the main reasons that DD wants Emily to help is her education. One: I can't see an officer asking a civilian to help but, hey, that's usually the basis of a cozy mystery. Two: It really irritates me that they're basically insinuating that DD, being a small town gal, has very little education or logical thinking abilities. I could be wrong but I don't think they just hand out badges. I think there's some schooling involved.
And, seriously, WITCHES?! We're not in medieval times for fuck's sake. I don't think that I've ever heard anyone called a 'witch' (at least in that context) for real. It just seems like such an overdone attempt to make the wild north woods even more backwater.
All right, I'm done, I promise. For now. This book just makes me angrier each time I read it. The condescension and superior attitude are so unmistakable. And what is with the weird Southern-ish, cliché redneck accent?
Well, Thursday's Thanksgiving so I might have Chapter 6 up on schedule and I might not. Depends on how much dinner knocks me for a loop. So, in the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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