SILVER BULLET

  Ok, I know I said I'd do The Shining movie and mini-series but I lied. Sorry. Thinking about it a bit more I don't think there's much more I can add that hasn't already been said. I'm also a coward. I don't want to have to defend my position against the fans of the movie who think Kubrick is a genius and if you don't like it you don't understand Kubrick's genius. They each have their flaws and their strengths and can't we all just get along!?
  Ahem. That being said, I like the mini-series better. Fling rocks if you must.

  Oh, just to warn you, thus far I have been curbing my foul tongue but it's getting really, really hard to do. So, from here on out there may be occasional swearing. Carry on.

  So, instead of talking about a haunted hotel let's talk werewolves shall we? And if anybody mentions Twilight they are banished from my little kingdom forever. Not really, because I can't alienate all of my four readers who for all I know might be raging Twi-Hards.
  Anyway, I'm not super into werewolves. Like I don't read a bunch of werewolf books and all of that. However, I do enjoy a good mauling every now and then as much as the next gal.
  My favorite is An American Werewolf in London but Silver Bullet tanks right up there. My other favorite is Blood Moon but that's more of a reverse werewolf movie really. And, ok, I admit that Cursed holds a fond place in my heart.
  I don't know about you guys but I'm a sucker for practical werewolf effects. A CGI werewolf leaves me cold.
  Anywho, on to the movie.

  SYNOPSIS: 
 The quiet little town of Tarker's Mills is being ravaged by a killer who mauls his victims. Marty Coslaw, who is paralyzed from the waist down and confined to a wheelchair, and his sister Jane start to suspect that the killings may not be the work of a man at all.


  THE PICKINGS:
 The movie opens with Older Jane narrating and telling us the horror began on this night in 1976 with what is assumed an accident at first.
   We see a dunk railroad worker singing a lovely song about Rheingold Beer while going about his railroad worker business. We see him bush-stalked by a P.o.V. monster and his head goes flying. The guy is a known drunk (and in this town that's really saying something) so his death is written off as an accident.
  Then we join our two teenage heroes at what I think is a town picnic or something like that. Jane is ordered by her mother to go check on her brother who is currently off plotting with his friend Brady to totally ruin Jane's day.
  By the way, I hate Marty and Jane's parents. They're pretty much forcing Jane to take care of Marty while they do Very Important Things. Like watch the mayor give an exciting address and listening to the opening prayer by the town's preacher. They are basically making Jane resent Marty when, under other circumstances, they probably would get along pretty well. Plus, he seems pretty capable of doing a lot on his own.

  Anyway, back to the very exciting picnic.

  Jane goes looking for Marty while Brady hides in a tree with a snake. He dangles it in front of her, freaking her out and making her fall in a mud puddle, running her ugly plaid skirt (you're better off without it Jane, believe me) which Marty and Brady both find pretty damn funny. Brady takes it a little too far (over Marty's protests) and chucks the snake at Jane, making her shriek and fall in the mud puddle again. So, naturally, Jane's a little...perturbed. Actually, I believe her words are: "I hate you, you booger!"
She goes off to hide in some trees to cry a bit and try to clean up. While there she overheard an argument by Dickweed and SillyStella. Apparently, SillyStella is ' In Trouble' and is trying to tell Dickweed that the baby is his. His elegant reply is that it's her oven but it certainly ain't his bun cooking in it. What a gent. If this were a little bit later she'd probably say, "Whatever, see you at the D.N.A. test" but since it's 1976 she's bummed out and freaking out.

  In the car ride home the parents take Marty's side, telling her to grow up and that she knows damn well Marty couldn't have climbed that tree to stop Brady (I disagree). Jane accuses them of taking Marty's side because he's crippled and then she pulls out a pair of big bread ones and yells, "Well it's not my fault he's crippled!" (Remember 1976 everyone, PC was not invented yet).
  Anyway, her mother threatens to smack her. Ah, lovely parenting. So the happy little family all arrive home (sans smacking) and as her parents carry a bag or two of groceries into the house they have Jane help Marty into his house-wheelchair.
   Ok, fortunately I've never had to be in this situation but is it normal to have at least three or four different wheelchairs? There's one on a trailer on the back of the station wagon (I don't see why they don't just put it inside their big ass station wagon but whatever), one that Jane helps him into at the house with that I'm assuming is his house wheelchair. Another that's motorized for school and back (more on that one later) and later he uses an elevator to get upstairs so I'm guessing he has one up there, too. That just seems like a lot to me.

  Before they go in Jane tells Marty that their Uncle Red is getting divorced for the fourth time and that he's a drunk. A lovely little exchange of Is Not! Is so! follows and they go in.
  Later that night Marty comes to Jane's room with some money to replace the nylons that got ruined in their prank. He dumps a wad (about three dollars) on her nightstand and asks if it's enough. She picks out a dollar or so and gives the rest back. In which she's a lot nicer than me because I probably would have taken all my sister's money. Just on general principle. Marty apologizes again for Brady being a dink and she apologizes for being mean the way she told them about their uncle.

  Later that night at a different house SillyStella is taking a bunch of pills to kill herself over Dickweed. Why, I'm not sure. She's not a teenager, she looks about mid-twenties, early thirties so it's not like she can't get a job or something to support herself and her kid. And she apparently lives with her mom in a big ass house so I really don't know why exactly. I'd like to think it's over something a bit more important than that ass but I'm probably being optimistic.
  Well, it hardly matters in the long run because le werewolf comes in to maul her before she can do it.

  Werewolf-2

  Our next scene is outside of the school where Marty, Brady and a little cutie named Tammy are talking. Seriously, she had the most pinchable cheeks. And an odd Southern accent. Brady jets and Marty gallantly offers to see Tammy home because she lives near SillyStella and she's scared at night of something in her family's greenhouse. Hmmm, what could it be? They chat a bit before Tammy's snazzy father comes out to order her into the house. He's dressed oh so charmingly in a bathrobe and undies and drinking a beer. He also utters this charming little bit of dialogue, " Damn cripple. Always end up on welfare. Oughta electrocute them, balance the goddamn budget." What a prince.
  Late that night though there's something causing a ruckus amongst the flower pots so Mr. Charmer goes out to investigate. The werewolf makes short work of him as well. Although it makes me wonder what in the neck the werewolf was doing in there too begin with. Looking for some chives to go with dinner?

  Werewolf- 3

  We have a nice little family night when Uncle Red comes to visit. He's drinking and joking around with Marty and playing cards. He's also telling obscene jokes that contain the word...jackass...while mom stands around looking disapproving. After Marty goes to bed she lays into him for drinking in front of Marty (but honestly, he doesn't seem that trashed) and swearing and just generally being a Bad Uncle. She also yells at him that she's responsible for how he (Marty) feels when he sees him (Uncle Red) like this and how Marty feels when Red leaves. Um, ok? Is Red never supposed to leave? And Marty didn't seem that bothered by the drinking. It's not like he was stripping down or tripping over stuff or passing out in front of him. Nan's just a bitch I've decided.


  There's some rabble-rousing at the local pub and we don't learn much except that the sheriff's deputy is a pussy. A curfew has also been instituted.

  Marty and Brady are hanging out when Jane comes to find him. Marty's late home and the parents are quite understandably upset with Jane for not finding him sooner. Yeah, by the way, Brady and Marty have climbed a tree to retrieve Brady's kite. Told you so. Marty's apparently quite capable at climbing trees. And drainpipes.
  They head home leaving Brady to fly his kite a bit longer because to Brady kite-flying trumps personal safety. Priorities you know.
  Back at the local bar the main rabble-rouser is still rousing rabbles. Things almost come to blows before Brady's dad wanders in looking for his son. Cut to the park.
  This scene is just great. It's creepy and sad at the same time. Sheriff Haller is walking in a daze, repeating a Virgin Mary prayer (sorry, I'm not Catholic so I'm not sure what he's reciting exactly) and holding a torn and bloody kite. Uh-oh. Behind him in the gazebo we can see a bunch of red...gick...that we can assume is Brady.

  Werewolf- 4

  There's a very touching funeral for Brady at which Marty is bummed and Uncle Red kindly refrains from sneaking a drink from his flask.

  Back at the bar (seriously Uncle Red's drinking pales in comparison to this town) the Rabblers decide to go out hunting, if you know what I mean. The sheriff tries to stop them and almost has them convinced until Brady's dad pops in to yell at the sheriff and say that he's going out to hunt up a little 'private justice'. And the sheriff is vanquished. Apparently an actual arrest would be too much and he seems oddly ok with a bunch of tanked up redneck's heading out to the woods with firearms. Probably because it's almost hunting season by now so he figures in a week or two they'll be legal to go hunting. The reverend begs them to stop. Pleads with them, actually. And it's a little sad. I'll get back to that in a bit.
  Everyone's in the woods got some reason. Really this makes no sense. Two of the attacks were outside, true, but two were inside. As far as anybody knows The Tarker's Mill Mailer is a human person. But for some reason their best bet is...The woods. Ok. I think they're there just so the werewolf can get three or four at once and they can have somebody step in a bear trap. This makes me cringe every time I see it. Interestingly, Brady's dad is nowhere to be seen. I guess he went hunting 'private justice' elsewhere.
  Sure enough the werewolf shows up and shows them who's boss.

  Werewolf-  7


  This is getting rather long and we're only halfway through! So I'm splitting this into two posts. Stay tuned tomorrow (I give my super-sacred word!) As we find out which dastardly townsfolk is the Tarker's Mill Mauler. Dun dun dunnnn!